CNN Now Stands for Celebrity News Network

What little credibility CNN had with me when it came to what is considered news finally evaporated this past week. Forget the pullout of American troops in Iraq or that the first major offensive involving thousands of U.S. Marines descending upon the Helmand River valley in Afghanistan this morning passes as news no. That takes a back seat to the latest 'news' involving the death of pop superstar Michael Jackson. I was just as shocked and saddened at the passing of one this country's premiere entertainers as the next person but wow. I mean seriously when you have CNN's 120-year-old Larry King going on night after night turning himself into the extreme definition of a fluff piece then you know it's overkill folks. Of course we all know King is a huge fan and can probably name you his Top Ten favorite Michael Jackson videos (mine is still "Black or White"as that song rocks and is an awesome video). I'm sure he even knows all the dance moves from Thriller too. It's eerie in a way that the age differential between Michael Jackson and the children he hung out with is exactly the same age difference that separates Larry King and Michael Jackson. Hmmmmm.Who's fondling who? Anderson Cooper (of AC360) had a supposed nurse on the other day who said that Michael had begged her for some drugs or a shot and then after he let her spout her story he said something to the effect like "While we can't confirm her story yet...." Too late Cooper as she already got her story across before you should have confirmed who and what her story was BEFORE you and CNN allowed her to speak over the airwaves. I guess TMZ, MTV, VH-1, E! Entertainment News, Inside Edition, Entertainment Tonight, BET, Showbiz Express or a host of other entertainment oriented programs isn't enough to cover the latest on the life and times of Michael Jackson no. CNN (and to a lesser extent FOX News) are dedicating their seasoned journalists to cover what is fiction or not. Okay, we get it. And guess what? I'm sure Larry King, Campbell Brown, Anderson Cooper and all of the seasoned reporters will be there at his funeral. You think CNN was in Jackson's will or something. Can't you have a CNN Twitter Network or a CNN Blog channel where all of those with 'opinions' can tweet their tears so the rest of us can just watch some real news for a change? I was getting more accuracy from the phone cells out of Iran than I'm getting from CNN in my own country. Even Barack Obama is getting less coverage. What would Walter Cronkite say? And what about CNN's David Gergen? I bet off-the-record he is sick of all this. He (and senior legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin) are the only real individuals worth watching on your network and David is nowhere to be seen. I'm actually reading online newspapers now where I can get a choice of what I want to find out what's important instead of having to wait for television news to get to something that matters. Health Care? California being broke and writing IOUs instead of checks? Nah what's more important is whether or not Diana Ross will get custody of Michael Jackson's kids! Ooh how can I sleep? Stay tuned....

On a Much Lighter Note....

Isn't this a cute picture? I sent it to a rather far-to-the-right (politically-wise) friend who in turn suggested that it represented a mixed race relationship and then went on to espouse why there is conflict in the world and then continued with illegal immigration and the downfall of our moral values. Then he went on to explain that there are certain laws of nature that are supposed to not change and that God planned it that way and we are meddling and that is why there are so many problems in the world such as war, diseases, supposed Global Warming (his words), hatred, poverty and distrust over our fellow man (fellow 'person' if you reside in Berkeley). Okay. Apparently he is reading way too much into this which is fine and his opinion. That said isn't this a cute picture?

Too Much Cynicism Out There?

For as long as I can remember it was always easier to criticize than to compliment. As a comedian in today's world it is definitely easier with the former but at least we attempt to come to a conclusion with a punch line instead of just doing nothing about it. But seriously are there times you find yourself getting way too much information and it seems like the world is doing much more than just going through an environmental meltdown? I think part of the reason the planet is slowly heating up is because its occupants are also experiencing a meltdown of their own. I don't know why exactly but I am guessing it's partly because of the current status in our economy (at least here in the USA) coupled with their own fears on what really lies ahead both in their own personal lives and those directly influencing them who they rely on for answers. I think that's why those in authoritative positions fall harder (when they contradict themselves) than others thus the cynicism that comes with it. When one particular segment of the populous puts themselves in a holier-than-thou position as the barometer of everything that is pure (AKA 'Family Values,' 'Promise Keepers') and then does the opposite than they become open targets for not practicing what they supposedly are preaching and then cynicism takes place as a way to try and find an answer. As a comedian we take these nuggets of knowledge, dissect the content and then turn it around as a way to point the finger in the other direction to those who tried to tell us (me) what to do in order to be a better individual that reflected what their religion or belief system taught them. That's why it's never a good idea to pass judgement on someone else because ultimately it's going to come back and shine a rather bright spotlight on the one holding themselves up to a higher standard. More to follow....

In Our Lifetime.....

I received an email from a good friend who has been recovering from a kidney transplant: Max Alexander. In fact it'll be exactly one year to the day that Max 's brother, Moshe gave him a kidney so that he could regain his health. He also sent me an incredible picture taken from the Hubbell telescope showing the abyss known as outer space. Space travel is a reality but will we able to make frequent trips on a regular basis within our lifetime?Civilian space travel on a regular basis will happen probably by the first half of this century but what will the planets in our solar system have to offer? Will the Earth become so overpopulated that one day another planet or moon will have to suffice for a new home? Thoughts like this always circulate through my head and I wonder if we'll be forever confined to this one planet or will another become like a secondary lifeline complete with oceans, decent oxygen and an abundant food supply?As I look out on this full moon through my telescope and envision what it would be like to fly by the lunar surface to another world it really does make one feel extremely insignificant when compared to the cosmos. In my own brief life span we have discovered more moons on the planets Saturn and Jupiter and downsized our once 9th planet, Pluto to that of a dwarf planet. Just think all of those space maps I saved from the heady days of Apollo are now incorrect when it comes to the planetary system. I wonder if Walt Disney would have even created the animated character, Pluto knowing that one day that planet would be no more? I guess that was the start of the recession really when Pluto was demoted to dwarf planet status. There is a parallel come on. I think that's why I have always believed that something else is out there and that there is no way that humans can be the only species to occupy the vastness of space. Whatever time we have left in this life like Pluto is dwarfed when you try to comprehend the bigger picture. Some people gyrate to a religion in order to seek comfort knowing there might be something after this existence while others embrace the eastern religions of reincarnation so that one's life isn't gone forever but just recycled. I have always known that nothing is really by accident but more by design. No, I haven't taken any artificial stimulants or having a flashback to my days at Humboldt State University just observing while staring out at the trees. The moon this morning looked like a giant silver dollar sitting on the top of the Sierra mountaintops. Maybe it's a good idea to appreciate what it is I have right now at this very moment and just go from there. Is this what happens when you see into the future?

Well, it IS True....

They're pretty much out of their hibernation and rummaging around for food until salmon season kicks in later this summer. It's never a good idea to feed the bears because then they become too dependent on us and that's not good.Last year Mo chased one up a tree when he came into our backyard and wow can they climb! Love bears and have to say that so far I've seen a dozen or so since being up here. We have a couple of local bears to the neighborhood and you can always tell when they drop on by as the dogs go wild. I'll post a few pics when they become available since I never tire of the black bears up here. Now the coyotes? Well that's another story especially when they wake you up in the early hours with that howling. Oh yeah. So, to answer that question that everybody wants to know regarding bears and what they do in the woods? Yes, it's true. The picture here on the left proves that yes, they really do.....

On This Memorial Day....

It's always nice to get an extended weekend even if there's no pay in it. Lots of folks are hitting the highways to officially kick off the summer season. But Memorial Day is more than just another marketing tool for retail outlets. No, it's a day to remember our fallen heroes from every war that has taken the lives of those who have served. As you visit with family and friends this Memorial Day weekend take a moment if you will to think about those who won't be celebrating the holiday. Regardless of your personal views on whether or not we should be in The Middle East let's just hold a good thought or prayer to protect those over there and that they will be back home with their families soon. I don't mean to sound preachy or anything and I probably would do best keeping these thought/opinions to myself but after being over there and seeing the faces behind the statistics it really brings it home. We're so used to tuning out any bad news we see on the cable news outlets for something less depressing but that doesn't change the fact that we have soldiers over there who risk being over so that we can enjoy the freedoms we seem to take for granted. I know times are tight right now but when you put the timeline of life on the grid map it does put things in perspective. Enjoy the time with your loved ones and hope soon that nobody has to be away from their families except for the occasional business trip that doesn't involve artillery.

The Exploration of Our Oceans & Lakes

In the late 60's/early 70s I remember watching underwater explorer Jacques Cousteau's television program called "The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau." On his show he introduced us to a myriad of sea life as tiny as plankton to the more popular species of sharks, whales, dolphins along with sunken treasure, coral reefs and once seaworthy vessels that were scattered at the bottom of the ocean. I remember him saying that at the rate we are polluting our oceans it's just a matter of time before the land winds up the same way: uninhabitable. Oh sure over the years we would sometimes poke fun of the "Save the Whales" mantra. Maybe not as much as those "Baby on Board" stickers but you catch my drift. Now here it is years after the death of Cousteau and it seems like much of what he talked about has come to pass only now some of us refer to it as "Global Warming." Climate change is inevitable and one continent alone cannot change what other continents are not doing to help slow the process. When I attended last month's "Conversation with Climate" symposium as part of the annul event known as Earth Day I asked several speakers what can you possibly do now to change what has already been set in motion for decades? After reading and seeing how China pollutes their atmosphere (remember the Beijing Olympics anyone?) and being in the oil producing countries of Kuwait and Iraq why should they care if Westerners are going on the war path about Global Warming and their need to be so Green? The buzz words lately seem to be 'environmentally friendly,' 'reducing one's carbon foot print' and being part of the 'sustainability patrol.' Easy fodder for jokes but lately have been trying to keep an open mind. Late last month Tahoe was home base for the non-profit organization known as the Undersea Voyager Project .They're a non profit organization with emphasis on research and undersea exploration. They are currently on a five-year expedition to study the Earth's oceans, of which only 1% of the water column and 3% of the ocean floor have been explored. Prior to that mission though they are here in Lake Tahoe through the end of the month to dive the blue depths and conduct a series of environmental evaluations. Think of it as the precursor to a much larger body of water. Heading the team of explorers/scientists is UVP captain and CEO, Scott Cassell (pictured here in the orange jumpsuit with sunglasses). "Our mission is to learn more about Lake Tahoe's health so its beauty can be preserved for future generations. If we can't save Lake Tahoe, how can we save the world's oceans?" He's very passionate about his work. I had him as a guest on my show and he in turn invited me to take a ride in one of their mini subs. In addition to exploring the depths of Lake Tahoe they also have been conducting dives over at nearby Fallen Leaf Lake to explore an ancient submerged forest. That's where I joined up with Capt. Casell and his team.I thought this might be a good opportunity to do a follow-up with Cassell and to see how their experiments have been going. Sitting in this mini sub (called the Catalina) was pretty surreal and it felt like you were in a convertible. The bubble is made of this acrylic material and is so clear you feel as if you are right there with the fishes. I was also hoping to see if there were any bodies from the mob days as I know Fredo is in Tahoe. I'll make those chats available on the website soon. It would be nice to keep Tahoe's pristine water clear for future generations so I believe what the UVP team is doing is very important and hopefully they'll gain some insight not just on our lakes up here but continues to be of benefit when they resume exploring our oceans as well. If only Cousteau were alive today to witness what is happening. I wonder what he would think of Cassell and the UVP? (photos by Nancy).

Be sure to donate to visit the website of the Undersea Voyager Project and make a donation to keep them going: http://underseavoyager.org

Of Taxes Due Today & Pirates

Is it that time? Oh sh** I have to file an extension. I was too busy attending one of those Tax protest rallies. The tax demonstrations were heavily promoted by FOX News but I didn't see too many other media outlets cover it. After today they will. CNN was pretty generous in their coverage. The event, called Taxed Enough Already, or TEA is a way for those who aren't happy with Obama's bailout/stimulus package rewarding some by using OUR tax money for bonuses while I get penalized for not paying my money on time. A lot of folks are pissed that's for sure. And what timing too coming some 235 years after the original Boston Tea Party revolt against taxes. Oh well I still have to file and pay. In other news Secretary of State Hillary Clinton today unveiled a diplomatic initiative to thwart attacks on ships off Somalia's coast and combat what she called the "scourge of piracy." Clinton said the State Department will "explore ways to track and freeze pirate assets," similar to measures used against drug traffickers and terrorists. Hello? They're pirates pantsuit lady. They have no assets or else they'd be using bigger boats instead of those rubber rafts which actually have been quite effective. I have a better solution Hillary. My idea won't cost the country anymore bailouts while appeasing fans of FOX News all at the same time. I know a lot of Right Winged folks out there who have guns and they need a paid vacation to decompress some. I mean, don't we all? Here's my suggestion. I have a list of all the countries whose ships sail through the pirate-infested waters off of Somalia. I would contact those shipping lines that need mercenaries onboard who will pay a flat fee to protect their oceangoing cargo vessels while at the same time offer up free accommodations for family members looking to get away on a cruise! I would also include a bonus attached for every pirate who gets whacked! Sorry, you'll have to bring your own ammo. Anyone?

News and the Art of Water and Yellow Submarines

Amidst all this depressing doom and gloom news lately it's a little refreshing to hear some good news even if it's not remotely newsworthy to begin with. Obviously the rescue that captain from the pirates off the coast of Somalia was very big news with a happy ending (unless you were one of the pirates) and that the First Family has a new puppy named after blues and guitar legend Bo Diddley. That news was less important but important enough to be the front page story on The Washington Post. Some news is just crazy funny such as that lady in Berlin who jumped into the polar bear exhibit. I am not kidding. I have no idea why except that it's probably mating season for crazies or she was so sick of men she thought a polar bear might be a step up from dating a guy. I think it was just Darwin proving that the herd sometimes needs a little thinning and so she was the next in line. Wow. And this just in: Comedian and now politician Al Franken may get to be senator of Minnesota after all. h A Minnesota court has ruled in favor of Franken in his 2008 Senate race against Norm Coleman. It also said that Coleman can appeal the ruling if he wants and guess what? He is! And so it continues.....Closer to home there is an underwater scientific team coming up here to Tahoe to explore the clarity of the lake and how it can help document if things have gotten better or if we have to worry about the lake losing its color down the road.

Along with the scientific team will be two mini subs that will dive into the lake and I have just been invited to go along with the captain of the expedition on one of the dives. Alright.
Speaking of all things aquatic not too long ago I interviewed an artist who specializes in water-based paintings and sculptures: Wyland (shown here on the right). Yep. he goes simply by the name, Wyland and has a gallery up here. He's based in Hawaii and his artwork is very popular. I never even heard of the guy until I came up to Lake Tahoe and cruised through his gallery. Wow. Some pretty cool stuff I have to admit. He came up here with his publicist and she had ready-made questions I could ask him. Sorry that would be no fun. Best to see how anyone thinks on their feet when I ask questions. Looks like I'll be chatting with him again and one thing I will ask him if he's ever dreamed about smoking a doobie with Peter Max and spray paint a couple of garage doors of dolphins turning away fish from humans.

Happy Passover (Pesach) to my fellow Members of the Tribe

May this year be filled with blessings and good fortune in an otherwise unfortunate world that we live in. This being the Jewish year of 5769 I think we have this holiday pretty much nailed down. (which is the Hebrew way of saying it by the way) has always been one of my favorite Jewish holidays even though it took what seemed like forever to get to the main course. But the whole "Why is this night different from all other nights" still brings back some great memories being at cousin Ethel's place and drinking wine (well okay Manishevitz as wine is barely a few notches above grape juice) and of course hiding the matzoh always brings back what I can now say were better times. Okay so as a kid I guess anything would appear to be better than today's world with more responsibilities as an adult but you know what I mean. Here's to one of the Top 5 of Jewish holidays out there since I can only remember five right now being raised Reform and. Regardless it's good to believe in something even if your faith is believing in nothing at all. As John Lennon once said, "Whatever gets you through the night." Happy Passover to my goyem friends out there and may Moses continue to part the troubled waters and give us a clear path to wherever it is we're going.

I'm as Mad as Hell and I'm Not Gonna Take it Anymore!

The headline is taken from the 1976 movie, "Network" in which Howard Beale (Peter Finch), a television anchorman virtually snaps at what is going on in the world and how helpless he feels. My how history does in fact repeat itself. Other than the out dated 'Russian' threat exhibited in Beale's rant truer words have never been spoken in 2009. We live in an era where not only does everyone know someone who has been affected by this economy but is also very pissed at what has been going in the world of finances particularly that of AIG. Never have I seen and heard so many people outraged by a company that has asked for a bailout only to give bonuses to their top executives for supposedly a job well done. With our money? And the bonuses were contractually obligated to retain their (AIG) best talent? Talent? This reminds me of an onion that looks alright on the outside but peel back its exterior and it stinks. Wall Street's largest recipient of this administration's bailout money isn't even being allowed to fail and that in itself is scary. Can we allow a company that big to have its tentacles (or testicles) in everything? Let the ranting and mob mentality begin! I just hope the folks up there on the hill have their own bailout ready before the next election finds them unemployed.

Oscars (A few surprises)

This was probably the best year I've ever had when it came to my annual Oscar predictions. With the exception of Sean Penn winning in the Best Actor category and Dustin Lance Black's win in the Best Original Screenplay category I pretty much nailed all of the other categories. Oh, if I were a betting man I probably could have paid this month's bills off early! "Slumdog Millionaire" out-distanced the highly anticipated "Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (which had the most nominations) in the major categories. There was speculation that "Milk" would split the Best Picture/Best Director category giving Gus Van Sant the nod for top directing honors but giving the "Slumdog" the top prize for motion picture. I'm glad Danny Boyle snagged both honors for Best Director and Best Picture. When the announcement came for that category you would have thought that half of India was present for the Oscar award. Just goes to show that you don't always need top names to push a picture over the coveted 100 million dollar mark to be a success. Given a great script based on a great story with a little hope tossed in than even the under dog of under dogs can be made and not in Hollywood either. Here's hoping that Hollywood will can the remakes they have planned for this year and try making something with an original storyline. If you follow that criteria than we will come out and see what it is you have created.

Howie’s Annual Oscar Pics for the 81st Academy Awards

it's that time of year again and this year should be one of the more interesting Academy Awards presentation. Let’s start with the hosting duties. After so many years using a comedian I was a little surprised that the Oscar folks would go with actor Hugh Jackman to host the 81st Academy Award ceremony. Especially when you consider the times we’re living in right now why not the obvious choice of a comedian? Maybe the Academy doesn’t like our ilk making fun of their industry? The ratings for the Oscars haven’t been so great in years past so maybe it’ll take an X-Men to turn things around. I’m sure if Jackman’s jokes don’t fly he can just morph into Wolverine and show his claws for some respect. Some categories are easier than others but I’m still a little miffed that “The Dark Knight” failed to make it in the Best Picture category when we all know that the members of the Academy not only watched it but loved it too. I guess movies based on comic book heroes still isn’t considered cool. Let’s start with that category shall we?

BEST PICTURE
The nominees are:

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
“Frost/Nixon”
“Milk”
“The Reader”
“Slumdog Millionaire”

“The Reader” and “Frost/Nixon” would be considered a spoiler and “Milk” was my first choice in this category. However after seeing both “Benjamin Button” and Danny Boyle’s independent phenom, “Slumdog Millionaire” I’m torn and almost was leaning toward a dead heat but I have made my mind up and thereby declare the winner to be: Slumdog Millionaire




BEST ACTOR
The nominees are:

Frank Langella for “Frost/Nixon”
Sean Penn for “Milk”
Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Mickey Rourke for “The Wrestler”
Richard Jenkins for “The Visitor”

It appears that everybody loves a comeback and so do I. As much as I loved Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor” and liked Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon” I’m going with Mickey Rourke for “The Wrestler.” Brad Pitt was very good with all that CGI effects and Sean Penn already has an Oscar for “Mystic River.” At age 56 Mickey Rourke would not only beat the odds in a movie that could have been his bio pic but give him a new lease in the business playing a has-been wrestler. The spoiler could be Sean Penn but I declare the winner to be: Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler.


BEST ACTRESS
The nominees are:

Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married”
Angelina Jolie for “The Changeling”
Melissa Leo for “Frozen River”
Meryl Streep for “Doubt”
Kate Winslet for “The Reader”

Although the buzz seems to be for Anne Hathaway I’m torn between the multi talented Meryl Streep who won a Golden Globe for “Mama Mia” just proving her amazing versatility as an actress. Melissa Leo was incredible as the single mom who participates in smuggling illegals across the Canadian border but no one saw “Frozen River” and you should. Angelina Jolie was very good as another mother in another unthinkable situation but I have to go with Kate. She won a Golden Globe this year but is still 0 for 5 when it comes to getting an Oscar. The spoiler could be Streep but I declare the winner to be: Kate Winslet for The Reader



BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
The nominees are:

Josh Brolin for “Milk”
Robert Downey, Jr. for “Tropic Thunder”
Philip Seymour Hoffman for “Doubt”
Michael Shannon for “Revolutionary Road”
Heath Ledger for “The Dark Knight”


You have to get credit to the Academy for even considering Robert Downey, Jr. in black face for his hilarious turn in “Tropic Thunder.” Josh Brolin has been on a role too lately what with last year’s “W” and “No Country for Old Men” in 2007. The bottom line however is that no one can expect to come close to the posthumous award that will be given to Heath Ledger for his portrayal of the Joker in “The Dark Knight.” I’m sure everyone here would easily agree that the winner hands down is: Heath Ledger for “The Dark Knight.”



BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
The nominees are:

Amy Adams for “Doubt”
Penelope Cruz for “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
Viola Davis for “Doubt”
Taraji P. Henson for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Marisa Tomei for “The Wrestler”


Wouldn’t it be great to see Marisa Tomei win one for “The Wrestler” (she already has an Oscar for “My Cousin Vinny”)? While Taraji P. Henson to me is the underdog here I’m betting the Academy will reward Penelope Cruz here since she was overlooked (but nominated) in 2006’s “Volver”so I declare the winner to be: Penelope Cruz for “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.”



BEST DIRECTOR
The nominees are:

David Fincher for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Ron Howard for “Frost/Nixon”
Gus Van Sant for “Milk”
Stephen Daldry for “The Reader”
Danny Boyle for “Slumdog Millionaire”


I have to admit the dark horse here is Gus Van Sant for “Milk” and yes, the Oscars have been a surprise splitting the Best Picture category with Best Director. But I think the Academy is going to go with both for director Danny Boyle because his other great pictures (“Trainspotting” and “28 Days Later”) were overlooked.


BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
The nominees are:

Dustin Lance Black for “Milk”
Courtney Hunt for “Frozen River”
Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon for “Wall-E”
Mike Leigh for “Happy-Go-Lucky”
Martin McDonagh for “In Bruges”


The odds are Dustin Lance Black will win because of getting dhut out in the other categories and wouldn’t it be great if the animated feature, “Wall-E” were to win awarding both Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon? I am going to go way out on a limb here and vote for Courtney Hunt who not only wrote but also directed “Frozen River” so I do declare the winner to be: Courtney Hunt.



BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The nominees are:

Eric Roth and Robin Swicord for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Simon Beaufoy for “Slumdog Millionaire”
John Patrick Shanley for “Doubt”
Peter Morgan for “Frost/Nixon”
David Hare for “The Reader”


I should go with Eric Roth for his epic, “Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
but Simon Beaufoy’s “Slumdog Millionaire” still holds up after a few screenings so I’m going with the sure here and declare the winner to be: Simon Beaufoy for “Slumdog Millionaire.”



BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
The nominees are:

“Wall-E”
“Bolt”
“Kung Fu Panda”

There is no getting around the fact that “Wall-E” with its message (and needing absolutely zero dialogue) should have been nominated as well in the Best Picture category. As entertaining for the kids that “Bolt” and “Kung Fu Panda” there’s nothing more universal for a movie that appeals to all ages in an animated format so I am definitely going to declare the winner here to be:
“Wall-E.”


For the other categories I declare the winners to be:

Best Documentary: “Man On Wire”
Best Cinematography: “Slumdog Millionaire”
Best Costume Design: “The Duchess”
Best Makeup: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Best Song: “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire”

Happy Friday the 13th & Happy VD

There was a time believe it or not when horror pictures were released on Friday the 13th in OCTOBER not FEBRUARY. With the release today of the 1980 original in 'remake format' "Friday the 13th (2009)" is such a great marketing promotion right before Valentine's Day. How moronic. Same scenario as the kids wind up at Camp Crystal Lake and wouldn't you know it that's where Jason made his debut donning the hockey mask and slicing up those who didn't understand his plight way back in 1980. This remake never should have been made. Those young adults from that movie I guess could have spawned the moronic cast in this version. Then again it would have been better had the original young adults from the 1980 version get hacked up by Jason thereby avoiding any genetic offspring that allowed the 2009 version to ever get made. Not exactly a 'date flick' I guess guys you'll have to go see "He's Just Not That Into You" instead. Maybe "Friday the 13th" would have been better off had it been released AFTER Valentine's Day so that way when things didn't go exactly as planned you could take your honey to see that film and she would then worry what it is you think about whenever she's around. Then again you could rent "Madagascar 2" thereby letting her know of your inner child or that you want one. Nah not a good idea. Watching "Mad Men" is a good option too and it's already on AMC to boot. Whatever you decide to do just don't forget what day it is. I think sometimes Valentine's Day is just a commercial way of getting people to purchase things you wouldn't normally buy anyway in order to avoid any guilt feelings. Guys try cooking for her I think that's a good way to remind her that if she should suddenly leave at least she would know that you wouldn't starve to death from your cooking plus it's a good idea to try to create something new this time around. Whatever it is you do have a Happy Valentine's Day and enjoy the President's Day weekend. After all the great President Abraham Lincoln was born yesterday 200 years ago and it is in his honor that we have furniture sales to remember him by.

Credit? Or Welcome to the New Reality

Just interviewed a comedian/friend this morning who is performing with Dana Carvey this weekend and almost hung up when his outgoing message kicked in. As I started leaving a message he picked up and said, "Howie? I'm getting too many calls from creditors so I don't pick up unless I know the person who is calling." Wow. There was a time when one felt a little bad when they were behind on a payment be it credit card, rent, a mortgage or any utility bill. Well. Welcome to the new 'It's okay to be late on your payments' reality. Odds are the person on the other line calling to ask why you haven't paid a bill on time is probably one paycheck away from being foreclosed on as well.What with the country is it's worst financial straits since the Great Depression I have noticed that creditors are willing to work a little bit more in your favor instead of the usual strong arm tactics of the last millennium. I guess when your bank is on the fritz than it doesn't look to bad if you are. I guess if Congress is asking for approval of an 800 billion dollar stimulus package maybe they'll let us little people slide a bit longer when it comes to paying on time. Regardless, if I don't pick up the phone when you're trying to call me don't take it personally okay? Nowadays if anyone leaves a message asking id "Howard Nave" is there it means its either someone from my college days or a creditor. Political satirist Will Durst said it best with regards to our banking institution, "What we’ve been experiencing is bank robbery in reverse. The perps didn’t even bother wearing masks. And triggered absolutely no silent alarms. The problem is, those security cameras in the lobby are pointing the wrong way. You should do what I do. Now, every time I make a deposit, I ask the teller for 2 pieces of identification. “Oh yeah, what’s your mother’s maiden name?" Amen to that my brotha....

A Little Brevity

A German arrives at London's Heathrow airport.
As he fills out the entry form, the immigration officer asks him: "Occupation? "
The German promptly replies: "No, no, just visiting!"


Liquidity is when you look at your retirement funds and wet your pants....
.
.
.
.

Hanging in there Together

It's now been over a week for the Barack Obama Administration and the honeymoon didn't last that long. Not one Republican voted for the 819 billion dollar (it's shorter writing out the word, billion than to attach all those 0's) stimulus package. Not that he needs the Republicans since he has more than enough votes to pass his bill what with the majority of Democrats but it would have been nice to have a few of the GOP to show some support. However, after that first 700 billion dollar bailout passed back in October with no accountability where the money was going I think Joe and Jane taxpayer are only going to give Barack's people so much leeway before we finally say, "Hey. Where exactly is the money going this time and who will be held accountable if they piss away their 'bridge loan' this time?" After hearing about that douche from Merrill Lynch who received financial assistance and then continued to bonus his management staff all the while refurbishing his office to the tune of 1.2 million dollars all I have to say is F&^%@ You scumbag! I say we immediately withdraw all money to any institution that feels their people deserve a bonus. And how about those other smart numb nuts at Citicorp who thought it was a good idea to purchase a private jet while having their bailout hands outstretched too? Does these people live in a parallel universe? Do they not know in the real world what is happening out there? I say let your shareholders foot the bill since you were dumb enough to buy their stock. No. It's like any other investment if you're a shareholder you can't receive any bailout money. Second the government needs to have an itemized list of what these financial institutions need to do before they get one penny.If you don't follow or can't abide by the rules set forth than fine. No money. Why does anyone deserve a bonus anyway in these times when asking for a bailout? I thought a bonus was something you did that brought revenue in for the company. Getting a bonus now is like saying "Thanks for evaporating all of our client's earnings and 401K. Here's a fat check to show how much we appreciate what you, our loyal employees to the company have done. Now whoever gets the next Ponzi scheme off the ground gets an additional bonus too!" I can't wait to see Americans get to the point of getting so pissed that they toss all of those with golden parachutes out the windows of their executive offices. I just hope that their parachutes are really made of gold so that way their landing won't be a soft landing.

Don Rickles at Harrah's

"Mr. Warmth" was up here this past weekend and did two shows over at Harrah's South Shore Room. Like him or not he is one of the last of the legends and audiences from all generations were represented at his show. He turns 83 in May and is still sharp as ever leaving no one unscathed with his biting and very un-politically correct observations. Bravo! In a world where people get way over sensitive with language it's great seeing someone who hasn't changed with the so-called times and still gets huge laughs. I first met Rickles down in Reno and then again in 2001 when we were at Harrah's.After he saw me perform he wrote me a note on Harrah's letterhead that said, "Howie. I've seen your act. Keep working on it." That to me stands as one of the coolest things having him say that. He was very gracious and right up until showtime was talking to me and comedian Suli McCullough about the business and he didn't mind it when we asked him to share some of his stories hanging out with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Later when I got to see Bob Newhart perform he (Bob) was telling me how much Rickles still cracked him up and how generous a man he is giving his time and money to charities and generally just giving back. To those who don't 'get it' Rickles isn't for you but it's his timing that makes him so funny. I don't know how much longer he'll be performing but I am glad I was able to spend a little time chatting with him before he went on stage. After seeing his show I went across the street to do our show. It was the best show of the week I had.

Global Warming?

Maybe in Tahoe (we could really use the snow) but not in other parts of the country that is going through the worst deep freeze in decades. Maybe Al Gore needs to visit those parts of this country that isn't familiar with the climatic change known as Global Warming. Whatever it is the planet is pissed and who knows what it'll do next to remind us who is boss. For now I ask those who do the weather on local (and not so local) television to quit referring to rain as a bummer in the forecast. It's winter now and we need as much of it as we can. Need to embrace the precip and let the sun take a back seat.

Happy Belated and still Waiting for my Bailout

Which of course won't happen anytime soon. The latest group asking for a bailout is the porn industry. Yeah, the porn industry! Granted it's nothing more than a publicity stunt which apparently took hold. I mean, c'mon folks when Anderson Cooper from CNN talks about it I guess it's legit then. Who cares about the porn industry getting a bailout anyway right? Either way they're getting what they want: fucked. In this tough economic climate I think it's time to update some of the companies out there to reflect how their business is really doing. Have to start with the Big 3 auto guys. Ever since they first landed (that's right-landed) in their private jets in order to ask for a handout you knew something didn't look right. If you believe in your product why not drive it to Washington instead of flying? Here's the updated logo now from Ford Motors. Even the wealthy manufacturers are not exempt as witnessed here from Ferrari. How many horses are under the hood for that brand? Good Year hasn't exactly been that for them and Nokia needs to ask themselves, "Can anyone hear us now?" By the way here in California there's talk of having all cellphone use banned while driving regardless if you use a hands free device or not. I doubt that bill will ever see the light of the bay.Cellphone use and driving cars are too closely intertwined with one another so any politician wanting to get elected or re-elected will probably elect to pass on that bill. It'll be interesting to see what happens with the second half of the 700 billion dollar bailout that has been earmarked to help those than just the financial institutions. This time there will be more accountability before the money is parceled out. What happened with the first 350 billion dollars? As taxpayers will someone tell me if that money will ever be paid off?

'Tis the Eve of Christmas Eve

Almost over this year is and happy to be spending it in the snow. The forecast calls for snow Christmas morning and even if it were not to snow we still had a nice dumping of the white stuff last night. Was just in San Diego these past four days visiting with Nancy's family in a place called La Jolla. There were so many interesting people down there and it was a non-stop, observational ride seeing the populous down there. So many joggers with dogs,people who sat in round circles on the beach which was either a Sunday morning service for the outdoorsy types or a New Age religion with footwear being optional. Lots of modern day mommies were also out there jogging with baby strollers built for two (or they were nannies for the moms?) reminding us they were staying in shape while some of us just observed them. A very unique place indeed but was happier when we started our drive back to The Sierra and twelve hours later made it back with dogs in tow. Here's to hoping that everyone out there has a Merry Everything so as to not offend any anyone and an even better New Year.

Snow!

Oh man are we getting (finally) the white stuff and not a moment too soon. Maybe a little late (would have been nice over Thanksgiving) but glad there will be a white Christmas at least. With it has come lots of wind too. Over the weekend 145 mph over the mountain tops! Already used the snowblower late last night and forgot how cold it can be. No complaints though this area really needs to have the skiers and snowboarders (and in my case inner tubing) up here because after they play on the mountain they'll want to eat and who knows maybe take in a show ya know? By the way I still think it's hilarious when people hang Christmas (or holiday if you're not into Christmas) lights up that try to look like icicles. Give it time now with the snow you'll get real icicles. It's been a little tough out there too this holiday season because money is tight. Charities are hurting for more supplies and donations. I encourage people that if they have no one joining them over the Christmas holiday to invite a local or someone who is hurting for dinner or even a gift so that person can feel valued before they reach their last string of hope. Just a thought. Forget any New Year's Resolutions this time either I think I have decided to just let the year play out without any high expectations of what to expect in the new year. Maybe try to be a little less cynical and try to listen a little more frequently. Yeah, that sounds good. I'll let you know how it all works out.Best picture ever here on the left that was sent to me with the caption, "When the wife pressured me to hang up the Christmas lights this was the best I could do." Just cracked me up probably because this was the first year I ever hung Christmas lights on a house before. I was going to go with mainly blue and white but thought I would leave that for the inside and just a multi-colored look on the outside. I know a lot of folks' families are spread out so I hope there are many out there who get to share the end of this year with some family members. I spent many a Christmas either on the road or alone so making more of a concentrated effort to stay in touch with family as best as I can.

Brrrrrr said the Chilly, Non-Politically Correct Comedian

Freezing oh sure but where the hell is the snow? It sucks bad enough that the economy is in recession mode but the weather too? Mountain resorts such as Tahoe rely on the white stuff to bring the people up to go boarding/skiing. It's bad enough that there's a new Indian casino (Red Hawk) that opens next week that will probably keep some folks from coming up here but some of us who don't gamble wish it would snow and soon! Christmas is a good time to carve it up on the mountain so hopefully we'll get a white Christmas you know? Okay so a white Hanukkah and Kwanzaa would be appreciated too. While I'm on the subject can we skip the politically correct calling of a Christmas tree a Holiday tree? Or Holiday cards instead of Christmas cards? If it has lights on it and ornaments with a shiny object at the top of it than I believe it's a Christmas tree. It just sounds lame proclaiming it's a Holiday tree and the man dressed up in the red suit with a beard is really not Santa (since that does signify Christmas) but a non-denominational fat man who likes to have kids sit on his lap. See? That sounds creepy so atheists who protest should shut up as they get their Godless day off in December and can celebrate for no other reason than getting the day off. Hey and this all coming from a Jewish person too. Political Correctness will always be bullshit to me speaking of which where were all the white folk who should have been rioting in the streets when OJ was sentenced to prision earlier this week? Merry Kwanzaa, Happy Christmas and Hanukkah in advance. Oh, the photo above is that of Rudolph's 1st cousin, Shlomo.

As Turkey Day Draws Nearer

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Be kinder than necessary
Because everyone you meet is fighting
Some kind of battle.

Where's My Bailout?

So just yesterday one of the Big 3 automakers said they are selling two of their corporate jets? A little too late now isn't it? After the Big 3's CEOs arrived in Washington via private jets they were immediately given the roast over as to why they are so out of touch. They tried defending their use of private jets because of "Security concerns." Really? Like they're celebs or rock stars? Who cares if they get kidnapped? It's not like their companies could get any worse off in their absence. I know a ton of MBA candidates who would easily fill their position and this is even before they get a golden parachute. I guess I'm just pissed at the Big 3 because when I first went to buy a car the dealership turned me down saying that I needed more credit or a co-signer. Well GM,Ford and Chrysler I can think of several c-signers to help you out with your problem. How about Exxon, Mobile, Chevron, Shell, BP, Citgo, Conoco and Sunoco to name a few? Why not ask Alaska to bail you out? The governor there can 'drill baby drill' for you once you get a hard on from her offer. Just a thought. Maybe if Detroit made vehicles that depend less on oil and more along the lines of hybrids America wouldn't be passing you up for better product overseas. So file for bankruptcy and reorganize and maybe we'll come back to buying your product. They only bailout Congress should even consider is that of helping your employees retrain so that they can build vehicles that don't resemble their CEO: dinosaurs. Editorial cartoon (top) by Bob Englehart and (right) by Michael Ramirez.

The Morning After.....

History made....

CNN projects that Sen. Barack Obama has won election as the next president of the United States.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008 | 11:11 p.m. ET.
Obama Sweeps to Victory, Elected 44th President

If They Had Look-alikes

I have no idea who said it but someone commented that if you go out with someone for a really long time each person takes on the other's characteristics. People sometimes look like their dogs too which I have to admit is true. With that said I was wondering how many familiar faces out there looked like someone else not related to another family member. It's kinda scary actually seeing some of these and with Halloween just around the corner I was wondering if any of these celebrities had noticed this before? Dr. Phil has never looked more stately.I can't say that Ringo would be flattered getting comparisons to the late Palestinian leader Yassar Arafat but wow! You can't deny that this is pretty dead on. I sure hope he has a sense of humor. Did Arafat ever play the drums? And when it comes to spiritual leaders there's nothing like having two Llama's that share an eerie similarity. I'm not sure how spiritual a llama is but when juxtaposed to the Dalai Lama a llama has to think that maybe reincarnation might be the answer? They both look very content. When it comes to pop culture especially in the music industry there are so many to poke fun at. In the world of politics there are so many to pick that just about any candidate would have made for an east target. I did like the one here of former presidential candidate John Kerry next to that of Herman Munster does make you stop and have a double take. Forget about Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin resembling Tina Fey (she does though doesn't she?) this one here has got to be an all time favorite. It's almost as if George W. actually posed next to this chimpanzee that really captures the moment! Instead of throwing feces however George 43 gave us more than enough shit to deal with over his past eight years in office that still needs cleaning up. Whoever wins this upcoming Tuesday for the White House there will always be material that will write itself. It still amazes me somewhat that so many people are watching comedy shows to get their news in the world of politics probably because we don't have to filter the spin and pretty much just tell it like it is especially when it comes to being non-PC.

Random Musings....

Some pictures can say it all you know? Some need no explanation. Thank you whoever sent me the one titled, "Missing Link" with Obama and McCain as part of the Evolutionary Chart. Been watching the Market and I guess it's good I don't have any 401K plan since they don't offer one in the comedy business. If the news continues the way it has been I guess a Victory Garden is in order. The economy is already tight up here what with the main source of income being tourists. The one bright spot seems to be the falling price of gas but if your car has been repossessed it's tough getting away. It's no wonder movies about war raging in the Middle East with excellent acting seems to be getting overshadowed by movies about talking Chihuahuas and high school kids who break out into song. Pure escapism at its best. Who needs Halloween when all one need to do is turn on the news? Scary enough if you watch for too long. When on the air or on stage it's best to take people away from that for the brief amount of time that they're either listening or in the comedy club. I do bring up the Palin Factor because like CBS anchor Katie Couric she's a lightning rod. Either you love her or hate her. And no it is NOT sexist to bring up the wardrobe malfunction of the GOP spending $150,000 to make her look good. I would feel the same if one of the other candidates spent their Party's money to be outfitted in fancy suits. The country is already pissed off as witnessed when I mentioned that CEOs from those failing banking institutions continue to throw lavish parties while every one in those jobs are losing them. The only good golden parachute for a CEO is one that is actually made of gold so when they get kicked out of the proverbial aircraft they'll just sink. I did love this pic (left) that several people sent me of Sarah Palin stumping at a recent campaign stop. You know those two guys are thinking about rubbing one out. You betcha.....

Halloween Fast Approaching

Oh okay let's give the political rhetoric a rest maybe just for a little while and go with something more important: Halloween! Halloween has always been my favorite holiday (is it technically considered a holiday?) and I have fond memories of past Halloweens here in Tahoe. When I first came to the Lake I dressed as a cow in complete head-to-toe cow attire but would never wear it again on stage.Tough to make a point when you're a cow delivering the material. The following four years it was Ozzy Osbourne which I really got into voice and all but after so many years it was time to hang that costume up. When as a pirate for the very first time and enjoyed that one a lot complete with a dead parrot on the shoulder. Last year was really fun as Nancy suggested I dress as the character, Edna from the movie, "Hairspray." It's the role John Travolta played in the remake based on the John Waters original. Not sure yet what I'll be going as for this year. I was going to dress in a leotard and go as a stimulus check but I still haven't decided. Will probably find something the last minute that's what usually happens. I thought about also wearing a cardboard box with a roof on it and windows and go as a fixer upper or an AIG CEO and ask for a bailout while throwing another lavish, all expense paid retreat for insurance executives. Just looking forward to the Halloween parties and also to have an excuse to just hang with other costume-minded individuals. Still, what with the dogs and all would hate to leave them with no one home maybe it'll be a stay at home Halloween. It's not like we get a lot of Trick or Treaters though but we do get a lot of coyotes. Maybe that's what I'll go as.......a big ass coyote or a bear! Yeah, a bear I think but living here might get mistaken for the real thing. all I know is that Halloween is a blast and also an excuse too for girls to dress up as hookers or French maids and not get arrested for it. On the Nevada side it might be tough to find out who was in costume or who might be actually working you know? I wonder what some politicians will go as for Halloween? A subpoena? I don't know which is scarier actually Halloween and what some folks will be wearing that day or the presidential election and what the outcome might be. Oh, I thought this was a creative use of pumpkin carving.

One More Presidential Debate to Go

One of the advantages or sometimes disadvantages to having an early morning radio show is that you're on the air before Wall Street opens. Come 6:30am West Coast time you get to hear the news like everyone else does when I engage the satellite to play the CBS News early morning roundup. Although not a stock market guy (no 401K plan in the comedy world) I know that when one constantly is bombarded by these 24 hour cable news programs it can make one feel pretty depressed. That is why I temper my show with as much humor as possible especially on Fridays. I have been wrapped up into the whole political landscape and not just at the national level either. It gets pretty nasty even regionally. I did predict that at some point Joe Biden, VP candidate from the Democratic ticket will probably snap pretty soon and tell Palin off in some capacity. I bet that Barack is holding him back or reminding him to cool his jets but I wouldn't mind seeing the gloves off and just have them go at it. I did receive my sample ballot while overseas and I know it is always good to be positive and optimistic but I still have to laugh when I see candidates for the Green, Libertarian and Peace and Freedom Party (Ralph Nader again by the way). I guess they have to run if anything so that they can write-off their failed bid for the presidency but still sure seems like a lot of wasted votes and I bet Nader is still taking shit from throwing the election back in 2000 when Al Gore ran. Anyway, with regard to the two main contenders after talking and playing some parody bits about them this morning I received an email from Marty with this picture and the caption that read, "If the Candidates Were Trains."

New Stock Market Terms

It's getting bleak out there on Wall Street. I never play the stocks just haven't been that savvy I suppose and don't even have a 401K as there really isn't much in the way of a comedy retirement account. I asked people who do (or did I guess I should say after what has been happening) play the market and what some of the terms mean. Of all the replies this one from Caren out of Chicago probably made the most sense:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked
up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

So Much in the News

In the time I was gone wow what happened over here? Wall Street went south, Palin is still trying to form a complete sentence (sorry mom), missed the first McCain and Obama debate (but did catch the one tonight) and OJ was finally found guilty? If you're into numerology the number 13 hasn't been a good one for OJ either. I loved how his defense claimed that he was not fairly represented by a jury of his peers. Really? Maybe his lawyer should have seen that coming before they approved the final selection or had an extra glove on hand to see if it might fit. When he had a jury of his peers back in 1995 look what happened. I liked that his lawyer (probably working on trade he is so lame) felt that the jury may have been prejudiced in their decision for a guilty verdict because of his acquittal in the last century. Ya think?
Oh well they say payback is a bitch so I hope he enjoyed his freedom. Maybe he can pen another book in his free time about how he would have handled the robbery. I always enjoy a good pop up book. Meanwhile the race for the coveted undecided vote still rages on but you have to wonder if those so-called undecided are just basking in the attention being invited to the presidential debates or speaking as guests on the various news outlets. Look, if you're part of that 'undecided contingency' and haven't made up your mind? Do the country a favor and DON'T VOTE okay? Why? Because you're just stupid. Shit or get off the pot already. Would rather have someone who doesn't wait until the last minute and flips a coin to decide who runs our country. At least comedienne Sarah Silverman is out there campaigning to get the Jewish vote especially in Florida which has a bad habit of throwing elections. Her naughty message on getting out the Jew vote is hysterical. Oh Sarah! What would your rabbi say? Speaking of the Jew Vote (my peeps) I cracked up when I someone sent me this sign outside a synagogue. Happy Yom Kippur.

Back on the Air

Wasn't sure how things would flow this morning after an absence of two weeks but it didn't take too long to get back into the groove of things. Everything else seemed so secondary you know? After about an hour or so I started getting phone calls from listeners who were glad to hear me back on the air and all morning long images popped into my head from what I had experienced overseas and started sharing with the audience. I couldn't get enough cold air in the studio and at 6am had the window opened wide so that the still darkness outside could find its way into the radio station. A guy named Kelly dropped by with two boxes of doughnuts and other goodies which I left at the station because I don't want to get too hefty before winter sets in. Got a few emails as well:

Hi Howie - WELCOME HOME! - we really missed you and are so glad you are home safe and sound. Take care - truly Julie

But of all the calls and emails I must say that this one from a Juliette really struck home:

Hi there this is the best Birthday present to have you back. I just wanted to thank you for going my nephew Jeff saw you while you were there and it was so great to hear how you and the other comics impacted the lives of his battalion. Thank you for going and Thank you for coming home safely. I'll order up some rain for next weekend stay cool. Juliette

That made me realize not just how small this planet really is but that someone from Lake Tahoe, a listener has a nephew overseas who just happened to be at one of the bases we performed at.


Wow.

Last Day....Goodbye Iraq & Kuwait...Hello USA

Caught the last C-17 out of Camp Victory (inside Baghdad) that took us back to Ali Al Salem Air Base. All of the the C-130s were grounded because (you guessed it) of poor visibility due to a sandstorm. We were delayed for some time and couldn't wait to get out of Iraq so thank you Air Force for the C-17 that was available! This aircraft is basically a giant trunk with wings hauling soldiers and gear it is amazing. I feel fortunate to have made it on this jet because our flight leaves at just about midnight. It's a weird feeling to be with so many (hundreds) on this flight many who are also headed home. I don't know how Scott (Kennedy) does it. This was his 23rd time coming to Kuwait/Iraq with two comics and when he gets back to Los Angeles will be home for maybe 9 days before coming back and doing it all over again. God bless him man. It'll sure be nice when he doesn't have to do this anymore. We made it to the air base where Sam, another escort drove us back to Camp Arifjad which is about an hour's drive. We were able to rest for a little bit and then it was time to head over to the Kuwait Airport where we boarded United Airlines flight 981 non-stop (better be!) to Washington, D.C. Some thirteen hours later we landed at Dulles International and had a little time to rest in The Red Carpet Lounge which is a perk as Scott has been flying so many times he is like a frequent guest. I was just happy to drink some juice and then lots of coffee as I still had a long time to go. I bid farewell to both Graham and Scott who were flying non-stop to Los Angeles. I had to make a stop in Denver and then switch to TED, an affiliate of United to Reno where Nancy was there to greet me. All told I spent about 30 hours from the time I left Baghdad to the time I touched down in Reno/Tahoe International. man, looking back (it is still sinking in slowly I was over there) I know that we were in one of the worst places on earth at least to me. I have always had respect for our men and women in uniform but I can't wait for them to say, "F&** this place" and head home. You can be politically correct but trust me all of that overseas won't go over as far as I am concerned. Maybe that's why so many soldiers told us they liked having comedy to entertain them because we don't have to sugar coat anything. Was I worried at all? Yeah, a little but you sort of go into this whole Zen mode and and say to yourself, if this was the last thing I ever did before I died it was well worth it. I will miss talking to the individual soldiers as they sure have a wicked sense of humor which is probably why we got along so well with many of them after our shows. Will I ever do this again? If I'm asked in a heartbeat. I missed Nancy terribly and look forward to just telling her things I haven't especially while overseas which I know I should have done more of. I love Nancy and even though I know she would rather have me stay home but even she said it was bringing if only for a little while a small slice of home and I can't think of a better way for serving my country considering all I do is tell jokes folks. Oh, and I won't miss hearing that word, "hydrate" being told I had to drink several liters of water a day because of the heat. The only water I want to see is Lake Tahoe. Now I am going to crash as I have to get back on Tahoe Time by Monday morning for radio.

Days 10 & 11....Marathon of Shows

First off I want to give a special shout out to The Pentagon who have been monitoring my blog for the past week and a half. Hi guys! Scott had told us not to write anything that we were doing that day or in the future but past tense stuff was cool. Whew. Today will be one of the most memorable for me a all of the bases have been unique and I so admire the camaraderie that exists at all of the FOBs. Our first stop was at FOB Kalsu home of the 4th Brigade Combat Team 3rd Infantry Division and a great group of guys (and gals too). Scott does a very funny observational joke about the gravel here and that is the one constant at every FOB we perform at: gravel. I know it's there to prevent all of the sand from flying around but it sure gets to be a drag when having to walk on so much of it. Both Graham and I only brought tennis shoes and yeah, it gets a little sore after trudging around on those rocks let me tell you. Bought some scarves for Nancy from what looks like a kiosk located on the base. Scarves shouldn't take up too much room in the bag and wouldn't that be a hoot if they said, "Made in America" on them (they didn't). It was pretty hot and probably should have applied some sunscreen on but after the sandstorms and what not it does kind of cling to one's face and even the soldiers were commenting that they tend to skip the lotion for that reason. Chatted with the soldiers after and it was here that I decided to give the letters I had been carrying with me to one of the guys and said that they would not only post all of the South Tahoe letters from the elementary school children but would write to them as well. After the show the three of us were presented with 'Certificate of Appreciation' from the soldiers of FOB Kalsu, Iraq for your enthusiasm and dedication to the morale and welfare of US troops is greatly appreciated." The only thing we could say was thanks you for letting us be a part if only for a few hours of your family. The next FOB we visited was from the soldiers and officers of "Ghost Squadron" from the 7th Squadron 10th Cavalry. I think I know why they are called "Ghost" because their FOB is next to this slaughterhouse that Uday (one of Saddam's since departed sons) owned or was in charge of. We were given a tour of the facility and had two armed soldiers along with flashlights (more like spotlights) to check on some of the vacant rooms inside. After the soldiers informed us that this would be a great place to film a Hollywood horror picture both Graham and I took pics on the meat hooks that the guys got a kick out of. I'm glad they didn't leave us there. Flying out of these places and looking down at the landscape you have a greater appreciation for your own hometown. While flying over a neighborhood one couldn't help but notice the same color (tan) in all of these places. Just looked so depressing. The last FOB was also the smallest and the most intense. While flying out on the Black Hawk it was close to sunset and I didn't know until after that there was the possibility of snipers in the area. When we landed it was 'outside the wire' because of the size of the base so we had soldiers pointing their guns in opposite directions as we exited the helicopter. Graham told me that there were several other soldiers near the front of the chopper that had guns fixed on nearby buildings that looked abandoned. What was really interesting was that before we landed the Black Hawk had launched these red rockets or flares and later they told me that was a common defense tactic to thwart any possible incoming missiles or ground fire that may have had a lock on the helo. Okay. The soldiers had just finished coming off of a mission and before the next unit was scheduled to depart we did a show for them. No microphone needed as we were basically in a gym-like structure but scaled down. You could see in their eyes some were really tired and we did another one of our abbreviated performances so that they could concentrate on more important things like eating and sleep. Again (and I know this sounds repetitive) the best part was shaking their hands and just listening for once their stories. Took off under the cover of darkness for what would be our last show back in Baghdad. Almost didn't make that one only because we had an Air Force colonel with us who was dropped off at another place before we wound up at Liberty Base, Baghdad at 7:45pm. The show we did was schedule at a place called The Lion's Den and Marlene (our escort this time) got us there for the 8pm show exactly at 8pm. We had enough time to take off the body gear and change before doing one of the more longer shows we had ever done. The Lion's Den consisted of military personnel, civilian contractors, FBI and CIA types and was a nice show to conclude on. We were pretty beat and like I said earlier it is very easy to lose track of time or even what day it is. After the show it was back to the JVB and the next morning Kuwait before heading home.

Days 8 & 9....Change of Plans

Haven't been near a computer for a few days because of where we were performing but this past Monday we were delayed at Camp Victory because of yet another sand storm. We were scheduled to fly out to Balad along the Tigris River but was canceled but that was okay as we had two other other places to go to one scheduled literally the last minute. I felt bad for Graham as he had a buddy from high school who was stationed in Balad and what are the odds of actually seeing someone you haven't seen since high school in Iraq? We had two stops the first was inside of a large tent for the Air Force. It's amazing they can erect these huge hanger-sized tents this one for their MWR (Morale, Welfare & Recreation). Seeing the aircraft out here is amazing and it's like being at an airshow but in this case the aircraft are not just for 'show' but are in a combat zone. I did a few jokes (again) about the C-130 as 'technology on the cutting edge' and they seemed to like that one as the aircraft is over 35 years old but has been modified over the years. The Air Force have a sort of hierarchy depending on what aircraft they work with and obviously take pride in the maintenance with these birds. Again the highlight was being able to talk with the soldiers and most would talk about when they would be going home, how are the folks back home and 'thanks for stopping by' and making us laugh. One such soldier was Johnie Elsenburg, SSgt
also known as "Johnnie in the Desert." He cracked me up and told me that he was working at wanting to be a stand up comic. I told him that I wished I could have met him before our show as I would have had him come up and start the show in a heart beat! He arrived late for the show and that's why he was apologizing for missing the beginning of the show. I told him that he was always welcome to do a 'guest set' when he gets up to Tahoe and that it would be an honor to share the same stage with him so if you're reading this SSgt. Elsenburg you better show up!

The following day was a tough one for all of us. I am not going to name the FOBs (Forward Operating Base) we were scheduled to perform at but word came down that one of the bases lost soldiers and a communication blackout was immediately imposed. The last thing these bases needed were outsiders intruding on their space especially at this time. We were asked if we wanted instead to perform inside the Green Zone for another impromptu show. The area is also known as the IZ (International Zone) to perform at a place called Freedom Rest where soldiers are allowed a few days of R&R for a number of different reasons. Some because of just what happened others for rehabilitation reasons and we all said. "When do we go?" To get there though we had to go via a military convoy that meant traveling in a MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected) because roadside bombs are a daily way of life. After putting on the body armor it took about 35 minutes to get to the IZ and again no photography allowed while en route on the road. One of the soldiers who were being deployed on board told me that the MPAC is one of the safest vehicles to be escorted on and that no soldier (or civilian) has lost a life traveling this way. I guess I must have had a serious expression or something for him to tell me that. While en route it was an interesting slice into the look of how the local neighborhoods looked and also how much security were on these roads. I saw other military vehicles that had either pulled over other cars or were working/assisting with the Iraqi Army to secure the route. None of this seems to sink in when you're watching CNN or the news on TV but here you find yourself growing eyes in the back of your head and never staring at anyone for too long. We passed by these marble stairs at this roundabout where that famous image of Saddam Hussein's statue was being torn down when Coalition Forces had taken over the city. We arrived inside the IZ and saw were bombs had demolished one of the palaces that housed the Bath Party. We were then picked up by Sgt. Richardson from Freedom Rest. I asked him if it was okay to drive back to that spot and also the sight where I saw these two huge swords and he said "Not a problem as we have some time." The sun was setting and it made for an eerie silhouette when we arrived there. The swords (seen here above) were at one time symbols to how much power Suddam had. It was pretty surreal to say the least. When we arrived at Freedom Rest it was like an oasis in the middle of the desert. Another faction of Suddam's infrastructure used to be housed here but now served a greater purpose for the soldiers stationed over here. After dinner and the show the three of us invited those who wanted to swim and just hang and sure enough, we wound up in their pool and talking to the men and women until 1am. One of the highlights was being allowed to watch a video one of the soldiers put together on his laptop while on a mission. Seen through his eyes you got a feeling of what it was like to be out on patrol on a daily basis unedited. That coupled with their personal accounts have made this already incredible experience even more inspiring. I just wish we could have remained longer so that we could have heard everyone's stories. However, Scott got an email from one of the soldiers after saying thanks for letting us spend time with you. Here's the soldier's reply to Scott in an email:

Yea no doubt brother, we had a great time with all u guys last night... I will hit u up let u know how the wind is blowing for old blue platoon.... we have been having a pretty rough run lately and the guys have really been spun tight so last night was fun for all of us... but I think it did a world of good for the guys.... any way I will stay in touch.... keep Howie on a leash and tell him to find us some cougars on singles.com.... be safe and catch u another day...

post soon

Note to readers: Howie has not been able to post in a couple of days as they've been doing a lot of shows visiting a lot of small bases and sites. He'll post as soon as he can.

You can scroll down to see some photo I've uploaded a photographer from one of the bases sent over

Received a call from Howie, short call say it's very emotional over there, many things happening, he wishes all the troops could come home, wishes he could "bring them home with him," me too
Howie says the letters from Lake Tahoe that he took over "meant a ton to the troops," so if you can, write them, write any of them, they'd love it.

here's a video to remind us to bring those troops home soon and the sacrifices these families are making. I wish they could all come home. In the meantime, we honor their service.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPatV7ZwhaY&feature=related

Day 7... ....Two shows & Saddam's Al Faw Palace, Iraq

Well, it's 10pm Sunday night here in Baghdad and just got back from doing two shows today. Feeling pretty wiped out. I shouldn't but they tell us that it's because of all of the sand that blows everywhere and your eyes get a little red so just feels a little draining. This is the longest we have stayed in one locale which is nice because we can leave our bags back at the bunks. Actually they have us in a portable Army trailer with three bunk beds in them. Scott sleeps on the lower one across from me as do I and Graham is on the top bunk from where I am. The other bunk is being occupied by a soldier named Ian, who has been in the Army for 22 years! He must be very patient because apparently both Scott and I together sound like two freight trains in the night we snore that loud. Today was really an interesting day. We were invited to tour one of Saddam Hussein's 99 palaces. The one we visited (and still relatively intact) is called Al Faw Palace. It contains over 62 rooms and 29 bathrooms and is the headquarters for a lot of the top brass and very tight when it comes to security. They even hold on to your passport and you don't get it back until you exit the palace. Many of the rooms have now been converted to serve as offices where we met the folks who program the shows for the MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) that is responsible for providing the entertainment to the bases all over war zones in Iraq. The palace, although looks pretty impressive on the outside was built really shabby in part because Saddam had strict deadlines for the construction workers and if they didn't finish on time were executed. Talk about an incentive to finish early huh? There is an artificial lake surrounding the palace that has a special breed of large bass dubbed the Saddam bass as well as large carp. We tossed pieces of bread out to them and there must have been hundreds of them fighting for the bread. We were allowed to take pictures so Graham and I ate it up taking a bunch. Scott has been here so many times in the past it was old news to him.One highlight was on the top floor of the palace the military has this small 4 by 6 stage-like platform with artificial turf where they hit golf balls out into the lake. I hit a couple of shots with a 9 iron they provided me with and I need some lessons but did hit the ball straight. If I never play another golf course ever I can say I hit a couple of balls from the second story of Saddam's palace and didn't slice it. Scott

came back to join us and he was presented with a flag in honor of his mother who passed away just a few days before we flew out. It was moving experiece coming from a Colonel Vitale (who also attended one of our shows tonight too). All three of us were also presented with medals for entertaining the troops and I wasn't expecting that so that sort of took my breath away some. All I keep telling everyone is that I just tell jokes but to have others say that it is just more than that once again is very humbling. It's almost embarrassing to accept anything when it is those men and women out there who should be getting the recognition but again humbling when they say thanks for coming out to make us laugh. It just doesn't seem comparable, but I'm glad they laugh and get a break from everything they go through.

The first show we did was for the Air Force at Camp Sather inside of this enormous tent and that was pretty special because for the first time I was able to use some of my experiences being flown on a C-130, which they can relate to and gets a sizable laugh from the airmen (and women). The second show was for the Army's SF (Special Forces) unit and both Scott and Graham warned me not to expect too much laughter from these guys as they are pretty intense. We did an abbreviated show because they are all very busy (especially at night) and the show was held where they also eat their meals so that was interesting.The next place we performed at was one that Scott said might be a little intense. It was the Army's Special Forces at Camp Falcon and these guys (and a few gals) are very specialized at what they do. Sort of like the Navy SEALs but an Army version here. Graham was joking with me reminding me not to look at anyone too long because they don't like to have people recognize them and to also NOT take any pictures of the personnel here which is an obvious 'duh' hello? The palace (yes, another one that used to belong to Saddam) was called Falcon because of this huge marble sculpture that you can't miss when you enter the facility. We arrived at their DFAC (dining facility I'm getting used to some of the terminology now) and was able to grab a quick bite to eat before we did the show right there. No microphone was needed because the place really echoed anyway and we were performing in front of no more than 15 people. They did smile and some laughed but again they had just finished their shift (I didn't ask what or where) but were cool with outsiders doing a show for them. After the meet & greet we were taken on a brief tour that included a sharp shooting range and an incredible look at Baghdad from this tower that took a ways to climb. Of course no pictures were taken not so much because of where we were but were reminded the last thing they needed was our flash going off to let people know where we were. Okay....makes sense to me.

Tomorrow will do three small bases leaving at 9am and not returning until midnight, weather permitting. I will bring six pounds of coffee (two bags for each small base we go to) and the letters from both South Lake Tahoe City's Mayor Webber and Sgt. Lovell from the Tahoe (El Dorado County) Sheriff's Department. I gave both today to colonel Joe Vitale who works inside Al Faw and is one of the folks responsible making available entertainment for our troops out in this part of the world. I had Graham (and our military escort) take pictures presenting the letters to the Colonel 'cause I think it'll be cool to say that both their letters will be framed and hung here at Saddam's Al Faw palace in Baghdad, Iraq. You gotta know that they'll find that kinda cool.

Hopefully there won't be any sandstorms when we tour these remote bases as one can only stuff so much into a back pack to have enough clothes for the shows. It feels way longer than seven days that's for sure and looking forward to just coming back and using a real shower and a bathroom that flushes although they have made some great improvements in these portables.

Oh, have to say that one of the things I really like hearing is that the soldiers are glad that none of us are politically correct. Sound familiar? Instead though of people not being able to say what they want without retribution in the workplace the troops here can't say the same things in a military setting. They love too the bit about me being asked to come out not because I am funny but because I am Jewish because they need a decoy out here. It's weird saying it outside of the comfort back home where I know I won't get into trouble from real Arabs over here, but then again who is going to mess with troops packing some pretty heavy artillery I ask you?

I bought two American flags at the base's PX store and filled out two 'Flag Request Forms' where the flags will be flown over Iraq on a Black Hawk and then the flags will be sent to me with certificates honoring who the flags were dedicated too. They did that for Scott's mom and he received a certificate today saying in effect that his mom was being honored but they did it for Scott in part because of the twenty-two times he has flown here with comics to entertain the troops. I filled out forms to have my dad honored who served in the Navy during WW II and when they mail me the flag and certificate will give it to mom. The other I am doing for Sgt. Timothy M. "Smitty" Smith from South Lake Tahoe so that when I receive the flag will give it to his mom or wife. I thought that might be a nice tribute since their son / husband died over here serving our country. When you see it here, it's simply beyond words to express the gratitude for the sacrafices these men and women make everyday,... all for us back home. How can we say "thanks," I try to with my humor, with the letters, and with everything else, but what they are doing for our country, for us, it remarkable.

I guess I'll log off for now and get a shower in since it's been a few days since I've had one and don't want to waste any water at these smaller outposts. I emailed Nancy and told her (besides the personal things) that our dogs Mo and Brody better not to get too used to having the bed all to themselves.

Day 6...Three Very Diverse Shows in Baghdad, Iraq

Of all the shows we have done so far I would have to say that the least expected one turned out to be the most memorable. We were supposed to fly out of Baghdad this morning to do one of those small bases but when we arrived at the air field it was another wait and see deal because there was yet another sand storm forecasted. They call it "Being Dusted Out" and looking back I am glad we didn't take off because chances are we would have been stuck overnight or even two days with just our day pack at one of these outposts. Would rather be stuck here in Baghdad to be honest because at least I can call or email from here where as a computer let alone a phone is considered a luxury in the middle of the desert.

Because we were grounded we wound up doing three very different shows today the first inside of a hanger for these Army maintenance workers who work on keeping those generators running 24/7 out in the desert. It was one of those non-microphone type of gigs so we did a sort of an abbreviated version of our full hour show. We did the 'meet & greet' after and Graham gave away a skateboard that was given to him by this company called Element Skateboard. They gave him six total and they're all packed in this one box that he has been carting around to all of the bases but because he only has six (thank God because that box is heavy especially when hauling them on and off the aircraft) wants to make sure only those who really like the sport get one. That's why I brought coffee because it is lighter and definitely in demand (plus lighter than six skateboards). The second show we did was at a combination prison/medical facility inside of a non denominational hall that usually doesn't have stand up comedy on their agenda.
That show too went over pretty well. The last show so far though had to rank as my personal favorite because I was able to get access to an acoustic guitar. The last time I was able to utilize an acoustic in my act was in Kuwait at Ali Al-Salem Air Base so now I can officially say I have a lso used a guitar in Iraq as well here on Stryker Base. It just so happened that the show we did was combined with an American Idol type of show that had been planned over two months ago. It featured nine singers who qualified for the contest with the winner from tonight's show going on to compete with winners from other military installations from around the world. Wow. It's called "Operation Rising Star" and wouldn't you know it they needed a host for tonight's show.

Enter one Graham Elwood who just happens to not only be a fine comedian but has hosted game shows for years on both network and cable television. The first part of their contest was having to sing a song accapella and then later would get to sing with music sort of like karaoke. Graham was very good bringing them up asking for their name, their rank their hometown and what song they had selected to sing. When the last singer was done he then brought me up and I did my 20 minutes of stand up and it went over great. I even tossed in some new material about the locals and how the military uses Ugandans as part of their security forces. They don't laugh very much probably because they don't quite understand American humor. I have to say that being here now almost a week have made a few astute observations about performing on a military base and the excessive heat here and stuff that only those being stationed in Baghdad would appreciate. Now that I had a borrowed guitar I was able to do my "La Bamba" bit and it went over really well which I closed with. Oh, forgot to mention that it was an outdoor show with a nice wooden stage built for us and bleachers for about several hundred military personnel, it brings a lot of meaning to 'telling jokes," for our heros.
There are some really talented singers here in the Army and they all seem to love Country music. I mean two of the contestants just happened to sing Garth Brooks songs so what are the odds of that happening? When the last singer finished Graham brought me back up to do some filler because the winner was going to be determined both by judges and also from the audience so that takes time to gather up all of those ballots so it was a very good thing that the folks here were able to requisition me a guitar. I first did my medley of songs with lyrics that aren't part of the song but sound like they could fit into the song and that went over great. Graham was out in the audience singling me to stretch because they were still tallying up the votes. I did something I hadn't done in a long time and that was making up a song on the spot which I used to do all of the time even before getting into stand up comedy. Once I had the progression of chords down I started singing really whatever just flowed into my head so I started singing about how I felt about being over here and how the soldiers want to go home. Basically I sang "I really could use a beer and wish that none of you were here" and it lasted probably about five minutes maybe a little longer tough to say as I was really wrapped up in the moment. All I remember was looking out and seeing everyone in their camouflage uniforms and rifles and I felt like some folk singer just improvising as I went along. When I finally found a good place to end the song they cheered like nothing I was used to. The funny thing is I spotted Graham out in the audience again signing me to stretch it further! Hahaha. So I thought I would try an original song this time and when I mentioned that it was one of my first songs tht aired on The Dr. Demento Show was surprised that they had even heard of him! I did a song I hadn't played in ages called "I Wanna Be Catholic" and they really enjoyed it and I think I remembered all of the words too we'll have to see when they send me the DVD as the Army was taping the whole program. When I finished with my song I could see that Graham was motioning to me that he was ready but he asked if I wanted to do another song? I thought that after doing maybe fifteen minutes plus of guitar stuff thought it would be good to conclude right when I did. Graham was literally blown away and told me, "Man, this is what showbiz is all about, especially making up a song on the spot." I told them that it's easier to just make something up because that way you don't have to memorize any lyrics you know (a little secret). Now that I think about it hours later it was almost as if all of this was pre-determined because they needed a host for their "Operation Rising Star" (insert Graham)
and when they needed someone to fill time while the ballots were being counted (insert Howie) we just happened to be on the bill with Scott this time and you know how I feel about things happening for a reason. If you don't let's just say I believe things happen for a reason:). We took lots of pictures and the Army also had a professional photographer taking shots all evening so I gave her my card and look forward to getting all of tonight's memories captured to share here. In fact she posted some here now so thank you once again.

It really was amazing and even though Nancy is nervous that I am over here (it's nice being missed and loved) I reminded her tonight that I think being here has been a really good thing. I know there were a lot of appreciative soldiers who came up to us after thanking us for being over here but we just keep tha nking them for defending our freedom. It really is a humbling experience that has been sinking in now for the past week, it's like we get to give something back , give them a piece of home, make them laugh(hopefully) , it means like there's a purpose finally for what we're doin. On the ride back to our barracks Graham was still talking about what are the odds we would be here together on the same line up and a show (which he referred to as a great variety show from the old days) like this would happen? By the way the entire show lasted two and a half hours.

Graham is here next to me emailing/blogging his wife and we're both looking forward to tomorrow because we get to meet a few generals who are visiting here and also get to tour one of Saddam's palaces! It's another world here for sure...

Day 5? (losing track)...in Bagdad, Iraq

Just a quick post here as we have to leave in a few minutes and getting access to a computer let alone one that is faster than a telegraph is extremely rare. Took off to a small base now I know why Scott said that the smaller bases are more important-nobody ever gets any entertainment here at the small ones. The base (again which has to remain nameless) was mainly Marines and we ended up doing two shows because one unit (of about 35) were back from patrol while another was getting ready to head out. It was Graham's idea to add a last minute second show and even though we performed for maybe 12 soldiers it was more rewarding than if we had performed at some sold-out stadium. They were really happy we came in. And, because the base was literally in the middle of nowhere didn't exactly have the use of modern equipment to put on a show so we did it without any microphones. We just stood there as if we were Ye Old Town Criers. Scott suggested holding a water bottle ro give the 'feeling' of using a microphone so yeah, that helped. Oh, forgot to mention that when we first arrived here we were able to sleep for a few hours on these cots. I can pretty much sleep anywhere especially if there is some background noise so I conked out rather quickly. What woke me up though was this annoying mono tone chant or something of a guy on a loud speaker coming froma mosque. Because it is still Ramadan they do this apparently five times a day not just the praying which is fine but a loud speaker of all that is happening inside! Now I know why some of the soldiers were asked not to shoot the speakers from their vantage point. Also remind me to brush up on my geography too because we were near the state or country of Jordan. After our two shows we arrived last night in Baghdad and will perform day trips again to smaller bases around here by helicopters. I have totally lost track of time and we sleep whenever we can. Scott commented that I snore loudly but Graham said Scott is louder! Graham got up at 4am to watch past of the debates said it was basically a tie but looking fwd to see for myself especially the VP debate. The coffee has been going over great because some of these small places barely have a coffee maker let alone coffee to put inside of them.

In one instance we took off from this weird combo helo'jet that was so loud if you didn't wear earplugs you would be deaf! It's called an Osprey (like the bird) and when board in the rear and after take-off they have a guy operating a 35 or higher caliber machine gun so in case fired upon can shoot back from the rear of the aircraft. We were allowed to take pics on the Osprey and as you can see they keep the rear opened up especially when getting close to landing at one of the bases. Now I know why we have to wear the Kevlar and helmut on every flight no questions asked. Have some funny pics of the three of us dressed in battle gear too! Trying to remember stuff one day just pours into the next but I think we are here for two days which is great I have so much sand on me from all the other flights I might as well double for a camel. Okay they are telling me I have to go so will head back to the barracks (actually it's not that bad but we do share bunks with others) and pack stuff for a day trip which will include the pound of coffee since that seems to be going over the best....

Days Three & Four ....Sand Storm Delayed

We were stuck all day Wednesday at Ali Al Salem Air Base because all of the aircraft were grounded due to this huge stand storm. Thursday morning we finally left Kuwait in a C-130 and was invited up to the cockpit for the whole flight which lasted 5 hours. On board were several units of soldiers who were being deployed to several different bases. For some of them this was their first time over here while for some they were here on their third and forth tour of duty. Once on the C-130 it was very somber. I have to tell you that at the first base we approached when it came to landing the pilots engage in wild landings so as to not have any of those RPGs (rocket propelled grenades) get a fix on the aircraft so hence the drastic way of landing. I didn't throw up but wasn't very hungry when we landed. The base we performed at was Camp Al Taqaddum (TQ) and was our first FOB in Iraq. I can't begin to tell you how very appreciative the audience was. They were primarily made up mostly of Army and Marine personnel. It's weird doing a show when Apache and Cobra helicopters are flying around the base. The show lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes and can't wait to show you the pictures taken but can't download anything here on the military computers. After the show just like the one at the air force facility, the troops waited in line to have their pictures taken with us and we also signed posters for every soldier that wanted one. Tonight's show was different because everyone had M4 guns strapped on them. The base commanders presented the three of us with certificates of appreciation mounted on this wooden block and also gave us their 'coins' that represent their base and air command. I met several soldiers from Carson City (!) and the bay area so had a lot to talk to them about. It is beyond humbling to describe how the three of us feel, but Scott has been over here twenty-two times so he is used to this feeling.

This one soldier, Sgt. Ham was so happy to see Graham as they first met when he was performing in Afghanistan back in 2004. Sgt. Ham has since been promoted and stationed out here in Iraq. He's quite a character too. He rides a unicycle and juggles and when I found this out I asked him if he wanted to open for our show and he jumped at the chance. He was great! After ten minutes he then introduced Scott. He always starts the show (Scott) describing how and why he has been doing this for as long as he has been and then introduced me up to the stage. I was surprised at how many people had heard of Lake Tahoe and after had several come up and ask me about Tahoe. I invited all of them to come up and be a guest at the comedy show and let them know how much our community supports them, but I said I'd hook them up for skiing and snowboarding as well. I have made so many friends here it is an honor to have them as part of the extended family now. Graham said it best when he commented that it is going to be so weird performing back in the States in front of the occasional drunk and heckler after having the best audiences on the planet.

Graham and I are inside of this Iraqi Internet place located on the base trying to send emails to loved ones. It's filled with smoke and both military personnel and locals. There's a TV on which has this Iraqi soap opera on and we are cracking up watching it while typing. I think it's called "As the Berka Turns" but not sure. We leave on Black Hawks early this morning so will try and get a few winks before heading out.

I will send this to Nancy to post when I can but know that it is such a different world out here and everything else seems so secondary when it comes to a level of importance as to what really matters..... Peace to all

Comics are in the Outposts

Hi all, Got a message from Howie yesterday, that he won't have access to computers for awhile so he can't post anything for a few days at least. They have left the bases where they were and heading for somewhere in Iraq where the troops don't usually get to see the entertainers that come to perform on the bases. He says they'll be roaming (as Howie puts it) "where our Heros live," he says they will go to tents, outposts and anywhere they can. He'll fill us in when they return to a base. ~Nancy

Day Two...Ali Al Salem Air Force, Kuwait

Contee (our driver assigned to us) drove us to Ali Al Salem Air Force Base which is an hour from the base we checked in at last night which is primarily Army and Navy (some Marines). Tonight is our first show in a nice theater that seats about 350. They have had our posters up for a while and it looks like we'll be sold out (but it's free so I guess snot really sold out huh?). And wouldn't you know it turns out the base chaplain has a guitar so it looks like this will be the one and only base in which I can do some of my guitar stuff. They don't want the chaplain to know I am performing on his guitar because I hear from the airmen that the soldiers tend to NOT laugh as much when a man of the cloth is in attendance! It's funny too that they have a McDonald's here on the base but not your average looking Mac no. First off no ice which sucks but when you do buy a Coke they automatically give you two cans so that makes up for the zero ice tolerance. Also, met with the colonel here on base and presented him with the letter from South Lake Tahoe Mike Mayor Webber (which he read out loud to the other staff I might add) and earlier in the day at Camp Arifjad we met formally with one of the top brass of the base and also presented him with the same letter and the very moving sheriff letter from South Lake Tahoe Councilmember Kathy Lovell's husband, Les who is a Captain for the El Dorado County Sheriff's Dept. They also had an official photographer there who took a bunch of pics so hopefully can get those uploaded when they come in. We met with the base commander from Camp Arifjad and they presented myself, Scott and Graham with these official 'thank you' certificates all framed and presented by the US Army all official looking with these 'coins' in the shape of dog tags that are very special to the units over here so yeah, it is a real honor to be presented with these. After that the three of us were fitted with our Kevlar body armor which includes a vest and helmut to wear every time we are transported on the Black Hawks. Damn they're heavy too! Starting tomorrow too I will deliver the ten pounds of coffee (thank you again Starbucks manager Robert Hernandez) to those remote bases that could really use it. That's where I'll also be delivering the letters I recieved from the school children I got down at the radio station. We fly out of Ali Al Salem on one of those huge C-130 prop jobs and from there get flown to the remote bases by helicopters. Part of our tour takes us to military hospitals as well and Scott told me to be prepared for the worse because this is where they first bring our soldiers in from the front lines so I imagine I will be seeing things I have never seen before. Everyone is thanking us for being here but I keep reminding them that we're just joke tellers and that it is them that should be thanked every day. Also, remember when I told you a Major Sims (mentioned in the blog) from Texas was talking to Graham and me yesterday when we landed? Well, when I went back to my Shawshank cell there was a little 2 x 3 card from him saying 'thanks for being away from your family to entertain ours.' man, I almost cried after reading that. Won't be able to write much because the places we are performing at are very remote. Be well and please pray for these men and women who defend our freedom and also pray that I don't suck tonight in front of all these soldiers.

Day One... Camp Arifjad Military Base, Kuwait

Live from Kuwait! We touched down a few hours ago here in Kuwait and myself, Graham Elwood and Scott Kennedy are checked in at Camp Arifjan Military Base. Not going to type long as the computers that we're using are VERY slow and there are some real heros who are waiting here to write so I will be quick. Just met a Sgt. Marzan who is seated to my right from Sacramento so he already has a standing invitation to come to The Improv when he gets back home. Both Graham and I are staying in these small rooms (not together) and it's considered a luxury for a nose picking civilian like us. How small? Think Tim Robbins cell from the movie "Shawshank Redemption." Kuwait is so baron and there are so many oil refineries with flames like torches all over the place and the entire air smells of oil.I don't think any alternative energy plans are going to be accepted over here (at least until they run out of oil). You can barely see any stars here at night and Graham said it best. Looks like Palm Desert, but with mosques. Took a few pics already. It's pretty hot over here (105 degrees when we landed) but I was expecting hotter. I hear that when we fly north of Kuwait it gets a lot hotter. Oh, this place is the country club of bases because there is running water although the latrine is basically a hole with a stall for privacy. Already we have had soldiers come up to us and just want to talk. Graham and I were on our way to the PX when soldier named Sims from Texas just cracked us up exaggerating his Texan accent and talking proudly about his wife and baby daughter. He was hilarious and you can tell he just wanted to have someone new to tell some stories too which is fine by us. He was funnier than I ever will be just from his stories.

Okay, that's about it for now we head out to do the one show north of here and then will come back and do a show here at Arifan before being Black-Hawked-out to much smaller places where nobody gets the regular USO type of entertainment. It is now slowly sinking in that I am here in the Middle East and you really do feel a heighten aware of your surroundings. Tough to explain but you just know that this is not a real safe place in general. On the base here safe, yes, but driving here on the highway … uh, not so much. They also made sure to remind us here that if we lose the piece of paper that is our visa we are stuck, so you know I have that hidden in a secure place.....

This Morning's News

Tim Parsons wrote a cover story about Scott Kennedy inviting me to perform overseas with him and fellow comic Graham Elwood that appeared in this weekend's edition of Action Magazine. Here's the story:

Jacked up on coffee as he is every morning, radio DJ Howie Nave begins playing that icky 1976 tune "Afternoon Delight.” After about 10 seconds, Nave screams into the microphone, “No — that song sucks!” And AC-DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” supplants the Starland Vocal band. Tahoe residents know Nave as the irreverent — yet sometimes political — morning radio announcer for KRLT- 93.9 FM. He’s also the host of The Improv, a six-night a week comedy act at Harveys Resort and Casino, the job that brought Nave to the lake more than seven years ago. Listening to Nave, he seems to be his regular self. But speaking with him in private, it’s clear that the funnyman has a serious task at hand. “I just made out my will over at (the law firm) Laub & Laub,” Nave told a friend. Nave was making preparations for his upcoming trip. On Sunday, Sept. 21 he travels to the war zone in Iraq.
For two weeks, Armed Forces Entertainment will present “Iraq Kuwait 2008 — Scott Kennedy’s Comics,” featuring Nave, Kennedy and Graham Elwood. “Both my sisters have been in, and are in, the military, so this is like my tour of duty, making soldiers laugh,” Nave said. “The way the country and the world is right now, people need to escape with laughter, even if just for a little while, especially those serving in the military.” Kennedy brings a comedy troupe to the war zone every month. This is his 22nd trip to Iraq, and he’s been to Afghanistan nine times. This will be Elwood’s fourth trip to the war zone.

To use a phrase the Tahoe comic often uses in his Improv column in Lake Tahoe Action, Nave is a “newbie.”

Kennedy feels relatively safe when he travels to Iraq and Afghanistan. “It’s dangerous because of where you’re at, but the way I look at it, I’ve got the best security in the world — the United States military,” said Kennedy, who performed at The Improv last week. “They take very good care of us, and, to be honest, I feel safer there than I do sometimes in Detroit or D.C.” Kennedy brings his act to frontline bases, tiny places where troops rarely get entertainment. He said he’s been in 148-degree weather but has never heard a soldier complain. “(The shows) are some of the more physically and emotionally tough things I have done, and also the most rewarding,” Elwood said. “I’ve been a standup comedian since I was 18, and I’ve never seen such a direct positive impact on doing shows as I have from going into the war zone.” Kennedy’s source of inspiration is his two nephews who served in Iraq and Afghanistan. “They said they didn’t get any entertainment while they were there, and I thought maybe I could change that,” said Kennedy, who has signed up through 2009. “I’ve personally shaken the hands of, conservatively, 22,000 soldiers who said, Thank you,” he said. “That’s more than Gen. Petraeus or the president ever has.” That’s very motivating for me to keep going.”

“Scott doesn’t have to be over there,” Nave said. “There are a lot of other things he could be doing with his career. I think it says a lot about a person who has been over there more than 20 times. I consider Scott a patriot.” Kennedy said it doesn’t take long after he steps out of a helicopter to see how tough it has been for the soldiers when he sees the amount of killed-in-action bracelets they wear for fallen friends. “Gen. Anderson told me that (the comedy show) saves soldiers’ lives because it gives them something to talk about,” Kennedy said. “They’ve all told their old stories to each other forever. They don’t have anything to say to each other. This gives them a break from the monotony.” Conditions have changed in the war zones over the past year, Kennedy and Elwood said.

“Afghanistan has gotten worse, and Iraq has gotten better,” Elwood said. “The surge is working in Iraq. I was there in November 2007, and there was a clear benefit of that. I’m looking forward to seeing more of this firsthand this week.” Kennedy also said the troop surge has worked. “I know that firsthand because it used to be every single flight that I went on had a fallen hero on it,” he said. “I’ve seen so many flag-draped coffins, it would make you sick. Since the surge, I’ve only seen two.” Elwood (pictured here at right on Howie's morning show) said his first trip to a war zone was the most difficult. “There is such an anxiousness about it, in terms of you really don’t know what to expect,” Elwood said. “I really didn’t have any idea what the military environment was going to be like, let alone a Third World country on the other side of the earth. I was scared but also naively ignorant.” Kennedy, who has known Nave for nearly 15 years, is confident in his decision to bring him to Iraq.

“Howie’s going to do good because Howie’s a people person, and I always say more than half of it is what you do offstage,” Kennedy said. “I can’t tell you how many, quote unquote, little brothers and problem children I have. I probably get 80 e-mails a day just from soldiers. You meet certain people who need somebody in their life to talk to. They don’t have anybody, and they’ve seen some really horrible things. Howie’s the kind of person people will talk to.” Nave said he has been writing new material, much of it relating to the Middle East. He plans to wear a talis when he performs.

“A commanding officer said I will help flush out the snipers,” he said.

Nave will be back on the radio Oct. 6. Kat Simmons and Scott Fontecchio will fill in at The Improv in the meantime.

T-Minus Four Days....

It's sort of surreal when I stop for a moment and think about it yeah. People driving by and wishing me well overseas. I try not to dwell on the idea that this time next week I'll be with comedians Scott Kennedy and Graham Elwood somewhere in Iraq. They don't tell you where it is you'll be performing at. Classified according to Scott who has been spending two weeks out of every month traveling to Kuwait and Iraq with new comics every month. What has been really cool are those here in town who have been offering stuff to take with me. The GM of Starbucks in Tahoe City called me up and wanted to donate ten pounds of coffee after I had mentioned that the troops like fresh coffee. Then there was the teacher who dropped by with letters from her students written to the troops after I said if anyone wants any mail delivered then just drop on by the radio station. It has been very uplifting to know that when I arrive over there I'll have a bunch of items to pass out to the soldiers. Been spending a lot of time too recording a "Best Of" for radio so that it'll at least appear that I still have a show over the next two weeks. Sure takes a lot of time though finding the recordings of comedians, musicians, politicians and what not to play during the time I am gone.I already have comics filling in for me and I love the emails I have been receiving from them reminding me that if I don't come back can they have my slot? I've also been tuning up the new material that has been going over well and won't be too political overseas but will probably toss in a few gems anyway but leave President Bush alone since he still is the Commander-in-Chief. I have been having fun though at both Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin's expense. Recently I asked women to call in and comment on what they think of the new definition of feminism is. Pretty decisive with one side saying that Hillary best represented what true feminism should be and an equal amount saying that they liked Sarah Palin because she was more accessible. She seems to be getting more crowds than her boss, Senator John McCain but I imagine he doesn't mind. It has been getting a little ugly out there with each camp firing back when the other speaks ill will of their candidate. I am still cracking up at the notion that one McCain staffer basically said that Senator McCain practically invented the Blackberry when in fact McCain doesn't even email. Reminded me of Al Gore's comments back in 2000 when he basically said that he had invented the Internet. Gotta love the politics though. I did receive my Wasilla Relocation Package last week. I called their City Hall and requested one because Tahoe had become too crowded and that I had some government experience being ASB President in high school and also running for the same position in college at Humboldt State University. Would that qualify me at all to run for mayor of Wasilla? The nice lady said, "Oh sure I don't see why not especially now since our former mayor, Sarah Palin went on to become governor of our state (Alaska) and is now John McCain's VP choice." Other than that I am a little bummed that I'll be missing all of the debates but would rather be overseas than here and hope that this whole conflict ends within my lifetime.

Middle Eastern Mindset

Talked with comedian Don Barnhart yesterday on what to bring over to Iraq. He pretty much said that the troops would love some fresh coffee so going to cram at least ten pounds of coffee into my backpack and hope I don't have to check it in but can carry it with me. While joking with comedian Graham Elwood (who has performed in both Iraq and Afghanistan for our military) about how safe it is over there he quipped, "Well Howie I don't think you'll have to worry about safety while on stage since every soldier over there carries there own weapon with them everywhere they go. The good news is that everyone has a gun of some caliber while watching the show. The not-so-good news is that if you suck over there everyone has a gun of some caliber while watching the show." Thanks Graham. Graham is one of my favorite friends who also just happens to be a comic. He's very spiritual and looks at life from a cool perspective. Scott Kennedy, who booked me for this overseas trip is also a very deep guy. He's been overseas some 20 times in part because he has a nephew serving in Iraq. I have a sister, Ellen who is a nurse in the Army and has been deployed to Iraq. I also have a nephew who just got his wings and will probably be deployed soon. We all have our reasons but first and foremost is entertaining and making them laugh. Speaking of which, the new material is going over pretty well at the comedy club so I'll have a good hour's worth of material and that's without the guitar. I nixed the idea of bringing the guitar over just because I would have to lug the thing everywhere be it on a commercial airline, a transport plane or Black Hawk helicopter. Getting lots of emails from people on things I could talk about and some have been useful but most well......I think it best to steer clear of political stuff while over there and just concentrate on taking one's mind off of their daily grind over there and bring some good old American everyday life experience references to the table instead. I did like this little story though that made me chuckle. Thanks Marty for sending it over.

Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute. The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring.

The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief. “We do not understand,” said their leader. “Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine.”
“Really?” the Israeli General replied. “For five years, we’ve had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

Lots of Feedback this Morning....

This morning was an interesting one while on the air. I was commenting on McCain's pick for VP, Sarah Palin from Alaska and yes, I have been poking fun of her and her experience (or lack of) especially when the GOP has been attacking Barack for the same reason. And yes, I did have fun at her expense calling the city where she was mayor, Wassilla asking if it was a tough gig to become mayor (the Mayor's Office by the way answerd, "No, it's not and in fact our next election is October 4 so if you're interested...."). But I haven't made the Republicans my exclusive target. If you remember I had a number of opinions on Hillary when she wouldn't concede to Obama (at first) and especially her supporters who would rather vote for McCain than to vote for their own party! I called them a bunch of "Bridezillas" that unless they got their way would just continue to throw tantrums until November which is exactly what Rush & Company encouraged. But let me remind those that I am still a registered Republican and even voted for Bush the first time around. I, like many Republicans have joined the ranks of the Independents and my vote still hasn't found a Party (yet) to cast. I have been harsh on the Democrats especially after feeling betrayed when I voted for them back in November of '06 only finding that they dropped the ball big time when it came to their platform of bringing our troops home from Iraq and they continue to this day to waffle like they usually do. I was an open critic when the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled that the addition of 'under God' was an unconstitutional endorsement of monotheism in our Pledge of Allegiance. They were eventually overturned as most decisions are from the Ninth Circuit. I mean, c'mon especially when we're overseas fighting Al-Quaida in the name of their god, Allah you bet I want to keep 'our God' in the Pledge and even if you don't believe in a god make it a moment of silence to insert your own belief system whatever it might be so yeah, I believe, unlike FOX News I think I'm pretty balanced when it comes to the issues and the candidates but will continue to point out the disparities in both political arenas. For the time being I prefer to be classified as a Radical Moderate.

Oh Baby What a Time to be a Political Humorist!

After McCain picked his VP candidate the other day all I could do is hope that she has a very thick skin. C'mon you KNOW McCain picked her to try and collect Hillary's supporters. She even said so when she was introduced yesterday by McCain. If anything I gotta believe that the exact opposite is going to happen. VP does not stand for 'Vaginally Prepared" meaning that all 18 million of Hillary's supporters are instantly going to follow her just because she has one. How patronizing is that? Last night political comedians Jon Stewart of The Daily Show and Bill Maher from Real Time were already commenting on what we already know. If the Republicans can accuse Obama for lack of experience then what is their message having Sarah Palin as his VP choice tell you? I realize that most people are voting for the top guy and not their second choice but when you just turned 72 and your vice president is literally a few ticks away from the president yeah, it does matter. Sure she was voted the most popular governor in Alaska. Well, when you figure that the male population far exceeds the female populous by 7 to 1 that makes about as much sense as voting what kind of business would guys rather see opening up in prison: Burger King or The Moonlite Bunny Ranch? Already salivating at the mouth are political comics Will Durst, Bill Maher, Jon Stweart, Dennis Miller and Lewis Black. I mean, I'm not a political comic but now I find myself wanting to comment on what is going on and will too! As good friend and comic Will Durst would tell me, "You can't make this stuff up." (editorial cartoons by Daryl Cagle)

A Day of Reflecting and also on the Lake

With a few weeks left before heading overseas I thought it might be a good idea to get in a little food for thought. Comedian Ron Morey (pictured here) just came back from the same tour I will be on and gave me some great advice such as what to bring and what not to bring. >I'm bringing the 35mm camera I don't care what anybody says! Okay, so I am getting a digital camera as a loaner because I'll be posting some pics on there in addition to several radio stations and newspapers with messages from the troops. Ron said that they have computers over there that one can borrow so I'll upload stuff when I can. Comedian Graham Elwood called me this morning for our weekly edition of "Graham's Crackers" on my morning radio show and he said it's not only a life changing experience but that it really puts things in perspective. Over there our men and women are putting their lives on the line daily staying one step ahead of the insurgents with the hope of returning as soon as possible. Graham said it's a real shock after being there and then returning stateside and hearing people complain about such things as cell service or how somebody messed up their latte order at Starbucks. Wow. I never thought about how good things are here even with a piss poor economy and a shitty administration. Graham (pictured here next to me on my left) Went out on the lake with Nanc, her son Dusty, his girlfriend Jules and of course Mo.said that I will have a better appreciation for this country and that it's not worth it to get stressed over the small details that otherwise seem bigger when bored so I am going to heed his advice now. Joining me for the first time was our new addition, Brody a seven month old Lab puppy who is already the same size as Mo! Should be interesting to see as he grows how Mo will react when he starts getting more confident with his new environment.I think being able to invite another homeless pet into one's household is a good thing even if it does mean a little more patience and trying to comfort the original pet in this case Mo. Always (whenever possible) adopt a pet from an animal shelter. They deserve a good home and with the economy forcing many to place their pets up for adoption I can't think of a better place to look for another member of the household then your local animal shelter. Okay, that's my public service announcement. Off of the soap box now.

DNC Wraps up in Denver

Whatever your political party affiliation is you sort of have to admit that this past week sure was an interesting one out in Denver. I mean wow! Barack Obama delivered one if the most impassioned speeches I have ever heard! And that was after both Clintons fired up their base the night before. I think Hillary convinced some of her die hard delegates to not go "Bridezilla" just because they didn't get their way and vote Republican. How much can you continue to whine before you realize that your candidate lost? Be a team player, go along with the rest of Dems and vote for Obama. The bickering will solve absolutely nothing and you're playing into the ads that John McCain has been running geared toward you-the disenfranchised Hillary supporters. I'm still cracking up over that "How many houses do you own?" issue that caught McCain off guard. Obama shot back with a campaign ad almost immediately saying that if you don't know how many houses you own then indeed you're out of touch with most of America. Political pundits from both sides of the fence have been dishing out their own rhetoric on a daily basis to the point of ad nauseum. The media as usual try to stir things up when often making themselves the story if they can't create one. Thank Moses for "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." Through comedy can one really find the truth sometimes. I'm looking forward to what the Republicans have to say next week when they get their turn. Will Prince be their musical choice since they're holding their convention in his home town? Should be interesting that's for sure. All I can say now is that if the Democrats do get their man elected (no,the other one: Obama) they better follow through on some of those promised or else I'll really be frustrated and go back to being one of the many disenfranchised Independents fed up with (once again) the Democrats and praying that God isn't a part of the Republican platform. Gee, what with the economy in a mess, people wondering if they can ever afford health care, a war that won't end and gas still at an all time high I doubt voting for one based on his belief in a god will solve anything. Same goes for the abortion issue. I could care less. Let the fundamentalists (emphasis on the 'mental' part) adopt every kid carried to full term so the rest of us can focus on the main issues at hand. And will the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi make up her mind once and for all when it comes to offshore drilling please? Alternative energy is fine and there's enough hot air on the Hill to generate a thousand of those wind-driven geo thermal efficient devices. I wonder how your average Midwestern farmer feels about that? Oh sure I'll go hybrid if you can find a suitable replacement for my diesel powered tractors to harvest these acres of food to feed the country with. The only thing 'green' I see is the byproduct from throwing up after listening to some of these dream weaving politicians. And I thought I was hittin' the bong too long. By the way isn't pot one way of going green? (editorial cartoons courtesy of Steve Benson)

Quality Time with Mo

Yesterday morning Mo (who has his own journal here by the way) was watching the Olympics with us or at least he seemed to be watching it. Maybe he was just fixated on the television screen and wondering how humans can fit into such a small area but he sure looked perplexed. We had some coffee and I tried to convey what the competitions mean at the human level and also how important it is to challenge the human spirit and break world records. He wasn't getting the jest of it all and in fact the expression on his face was like trying to teach a card trick to a puppy. You know: head cocked to one side eyes wide open kind of thing. What surprised me was that Mo was picky when it came to coffee. I would never dream of having decaf but when Mo started drinking from my cup I thought I would give him his own cup of Joe. Well what do you know he likes it! He really likes it. Most of the time Mo only drinks water but for some reason (maybe because he sees me drinking it regularly) he wanted to be a java dog I guess. It all depends on your dog I suppose but if he starts asking for ice mocha or a Starbucks gift card I'm really going to freak!

Beijing Olympics

Watching the 29th Olympian Games and man...would hate to have to be the PR person for China this week. Trying to convince the rest of the world that the pollution level in their air is not really pollution but more of a mist (according to their representatives) than actual smog is pretty humorous. Then there's the whole human rights issue which okay we're accused of the same thing but we don't sandbag our monks no. Worse than that we have lawyers who sue priests instead. Then there was the whole "Let's exchange one Chinese little girl who is cute than the other to be the 'face' of China." That's right. There she was on the big screen a cute little Chinese girl lip syncing their national anthem while the other, not-so-cute Chinese little girl remained unknown. Wow. How ludicrous is that? Oh yeah let's not forget that their gymnasts are also under age even though they won't even admit it. So they took home the gold but there will always be like slugger Barry Bonds. He may have the record for most home runs but there'll always be that asterisk next to his record. Same with the Chinese here. It's unfortunate but true and if anyone from China disputes this then you know where to send your comments okay? I wouldn't mind seeing China just to make a phone call from that Great Wall of China. I could pretend it's the Wailing Wall and say a prayer or something. No? Oh well. On the bright side though I'm still stoked about Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice and USA's Michael Phelps who has already won more gold medals than any other Olympic athlete in history. Not bad and he still has several more events to go. I swear he's part aquatic. NBC must be a little ticked off knowing they spent millions for the rights to broadcast the summer games but because of all the time zone and tape delays as usual those of us on the west coast always get the shaft. Same on election day because the east coast loves to broadcast the results even while we on the west coast still have our polling booths open. Thank God for the Internet because we can get the results on all of the Olympic updates long before NBC shows it on TV out this way. Sorry Peacock.

Comedy Marathon in Mill Valley

Back in May when I put together a benefit show to help out fellow comedian Max Alexander one of the comics I booked was Mark Pitta. Rocky LaPorte (who was also on that bill) first told me about Max's plight and came up with the idea for a show, it didn't take long to organize a show to help him pay off his mounting medical bills and also to raise awareness about his need to obtain a kidney donation. Here it is now three months later and Max is recovering from his operation (he got a kidney!) and will need until the rest of the year to feel fully functional again. Of course his bills haven't gone away and Pitta thought it might be a good idea to also help Max out. So what does he do? He organizes a Comedy Marathon at The Throckmorton Theatre which took place this past weekend and ran for 48 hours.
The fun started this past Friday morning when I had comedian Dana Carvey on my radio show and while we were chatting Pitta was driving him home from SFO after a gig in San Diego. Nanc and I went to see both Dana and Larry 'Bubbles' Brown (pictured on right) who opened for Carvey over at MontBleu Casino. Larry was on my radio show as well. Bubbles had a great set on Letterman the Friday before and Dana told me "I told Bubbles to slow down a bit when doing his act because performing on television is different than performing at a club." It apparently worked because even Bubbles looked surprised that he was getting laughs in places he didn't think were possible. After their show this past Saturday myself, Bubbles and Carvey were soon joined by long time comedian Denny Johnston (pictured below with Bubbles on the left and Carvey on the far right). Along with Nanc we hung out and chatted about all things comedy for about an hour. Someone commented that between the four of us there was "100 years of stand up comedy" but that's because Denny accounts for 35 years of that. It's always great getting to see bay area comics because that is where I started: the bay area. When Dana brought up Mark Pitta's Max Alexander Comedy marathon I gave him my cell and had him call Pitta to ask what time he wanted me to show up. Nancy and I drove down to Mill Valley to The Throckmorton Theatre where the marathon was taking place and brought Mo along because Mill Valley is a very dog-friendly community. Mark was nice enough to get me on stage soon after I arrived because I had driven four hours to be a part of the show. Also, there were three other black comics on before me and Mark said, "I need to put someone on of color" which meant it was time to put the Jew on. What a blast performing in front of the Mill Valley audience too. They were smart, very receptive and most of all paralleled their community for their love of the canine because my 'dog material' did very well. When I finished with my "La Bamba" parody Pitta came out and I talked him into singing an improvised song about living in Mill Valley (here on the left) which ended up being the highlight of my set. I didn't even know they were recording the show but now I'm glad I didn't know because you always do your best set when you don't know you're being recorded. There were a lot of great comics who participated in this special event and the ones I saw while down in Mill Valley included Harry Basil, Orny Adams (below, left
with myself and Pitta), Jeff Burghart and Greg Otto. There were so many others but I remember those guys for the short amount of time I was there before having to head back to Lake Tahoe. So, a great weekend for comedy both here at the Lake and also down in the bay area all to benefit a great guy. When we left we found a street that was my last name so yeah....had to pull over to get a shot under Nave Drive (seen here on the left). Kinda cool and was thinking maybe that's where I'll move then. Some place that has a street named after me. Nah, then too many people would sue me for falling down on my piece of lane. I do miss the bay area every now and then but the trade off is much better being up in the mountains. Got home just before 1am and then slept a few hours and was up at 5am for radio. Was nice getting a sort of day off. I may take Pitta up on his offer to do a whole show out there in Mill Valley but I think I'll only do it if he agrees to come back out on stage again to do another duet! back home now atching "Galaxy Quest" and have to admit that this has got to be one of Tim Allen's best flicks. Sometimes the best nights are those when you don't have to do anything at all.

As the Presidential Campaign Turns

What a summer it has been (so far) and as far as comedy goes this has been a very fertile year what with the ongoing presidential race. What a race it has been too! I mean, can it get any nastier? McCain's ad showing pictures of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears along with Obama and trying to show a parallel of their popularity was pretty low. Wow. Is McCain that jealous? Why not a Barack ad showing images of Hitler (or more of Bush) and make similar comparisons to McCain? Too harsh? But the one ad where McCain blames Obama for the high price of gasoline really is an outrageous accusation. Does he think we’re that stupid to think that one guy is responsible for the escalating price at the pumps? How insane. If I was Barack’s campaign manager I would start running pictures of Vietnam with McCain’s voice playing over the images where he says that we stay in Iraq as long as it takes. And I’m a registered Republican still! Granted, I have been an Independent for quite some time now but stay registered with the GOP so that way I can continue to get their newsletters so that way I can get ideas writing more jokes based on the propaganda. Don’t get me wrong I have an equal amount of disdain for Democrats too. The ONLY reason I voted for all Dems back in November of ’06 was that they promised to bring an end to this war and of course they buckled under the pressure and haven’t done anything either. And you wonder why there are so many Independents and distrust for our government. I haven’t give up hope though. I still believe if enough voices are heard those who continue to get fat from our suffering will be voted out of office. I have to admit I have never been this political in a long, long time but if you just sit idly by and remain quiet and don’t do anything to change the system then you have no right to just bitch and moan. Oh yeah, speaking of the high price of gas I was driving along Highway 50 when one of those gas guzzling Hummers cut me off. Rather than flip the guy off I just drove along side of him and when he rolled down his window said, "A Hummer huh? Wow. Why don't you just wear a hat that says 'I have a little dick?'" She was pissed.....

Comic-Con Convention!

Okay, so being a sci-fi geek scares off a few people (more like a lot of people) but when one has always been a die-hard conspiracy theorist it sort of comes with the territory this whole stand up comedy thing. Now that I have a television show in addition to the regular stuff I bring up examples about what is out there and are we really alone in the universe? I doubt it seriously but I'm sure our habits on this planet are keeping more intelligent life forms from visiting us more frequently. At this year's Comic-Con convention I was able to not just hangout with other alien types (we tend to stand out) but also a bunch of the superhero types as well that first made this convention worth attending. What with movies like "Hancock," "The Incredible Hulk," "Iron Man" and the biggie of them all, "The Dark Knight" tearing it up at the box office this summer there's never been a better time than right now to be a comic book (or gothic novelist) fan. I did get to meet Superman (above) and this being my first time down here gave me a quick ride around the area since he and Lois have been on hiatus for awhile. Too bad. While visiting the various displays on hand and talking with the filmmakers I was also able to meet a bunch of other film critics, actors, authors and just plain fans of all things 'out there.' It was also a chance to be in my element and introduce some script ideas while hobnobbing in total geekdom. I did get into a scuffle with Batman (as seen here on the left) but that was to be expected. He's been on edge lately because of all the other movies coming out having to do with iconic figures that wear capes. Fortunately he was in a good mood so we were able to share some time over an ice mocha and exchange cards. He suggested that I should wear a mask not to pass myself off as a comic book icon but thought that by covering my face I might make a better impression on friends and family. All in all though had a great time and looking forward to next year's event because rumor has it that the event will take place on Pluto because of that planet's status being downgraded to Dwarf Planet.

Sweet Baby James at the lake

Wow, has it been over fifteen years? That was the last time I saw James Taylor back in the bay area. He was performing up here in Tahoe and I wasn't going to go but Nancy had tickets so I was able to catch part of his show until the comedy show started than I had to take off. What a rush of memories though. it was back in the late 70's when I first saw Taylor while attending Humboldt State and then in the early 80's opened for him at the Greek Theater in Berkeley. Talking to him one realized right away that he had (and still has) the driest sense of humor. His music has always been like that of an audio photo album where each song takes you to a place that is forever preserved. Here's the guy who actually recorded his first album (back then they were called that) at Abbey Road Studio where The Beatles were recording what would be their 'White Album' back in 1969. On his first album Paul McCartney helped out playing bass on Taylor's original version of "Carolina in my Mind." Wow....

Annual American Century Golf Championship

That time of year again where Lake Tahoe becomes the center of attention when all the celebs from the world of entertainment, sports and reality TV shows converge for a weekend of golf no matter how good their skills are. Charles Barkley was a highlight as Lake Tahoe proclaimed it, "Charles Barkley Day" to thank him for his generous contribution made to The Angora Fire Fund. Had a chance to chat with comedians Ray Romano and Saturday Night Live alumni Kevin Nealon (seen here on the left), actors Greg Kinnear and Brian Baumgartner (from NBC's The Office) and sports guys Joe Theismann (NFL) and San Jose Shark's Jeremy Roenick. For the past few years now I have been broadcasting my morning show from Edgewood Golf Course where the event takes place so it's fun to chat with some of these guys. This year I was asked to be part of the first ever media putting competition where sports journalists from radio, TV and print all compete for who can be the best putter on the green. Some of these guys take this very seriously but for me how serious can you possibly be when you're just tapping a little white ball into a hole? Well, partly because I'm a comedian and also partly because golf is kind of new to me I sort of wanted to make some type of memorable impression for the other media folks so I did. Usually when one putts you're standing in an upright position. My style well.....let's just say that I'll never really be country club material. I did sink it in though and Nancy snapped this picture just as I was getting into that 'concentration of the game' mode. How good is my handicap? Let's just say I can legally can park in those special places.

Thoughts on a Sunday morning

Whoa already more than halfway through summer and you wonder how much has changed since this time a few months back when it was still spring. So many events this year have been memorable we'll look back and probably wonder how we made it through this year. Comedian Lewis Black said it best when we were in Boston: "There's never been a better time in history than right now to be a comedian." Well said and what with the current state of the economy, the race for the White House, Iraq, the cover of The New Yorker (loved it) and not enough oil there's never a shortage to comment on anything these days. Saw a H3 (Hummer) on Highway 50 driving toward Sacramento and the driver looked pissed. Probably realized that the high price of gasoline wasn't worth the high price of trying to be so fashionable. Made me feel good inside.....

Lights on the Lake

The annual fireworks show took place over this past weekend and I believe that this year was probably the biggest turn out ever. One would have never guessed there was a gasoline crisis in effect judging from the amount of people who showed up. The event was pretty spectacular too with the music being simulcast with the fireworks display all around the lake from our little radio station. Both Curtis Fong and I were broadcasting over the airwaves from 5pm Friday up until 9:40pm when the huge barge on the lake (the former M.S. Dixie I paddleboat) serving as the launching pad for the fireworks. We were wondering if there was even going to be a show of this magnitude what with all of the wildfires taking place around California. Over the past week and a half you could see the residual smoke from those fires settling in the Lake Tahoe basin and was an eerie reminder of last year's Angora Fire.The smoke and haze cleared up though Friday morning and by late afternoon an estimated 100,000 people had convened here in South Tahoe. One never tires of these fireworks show and they had a patriotic theme to it as last year and you couldn't help but feel a little choked up when the music started palying Ray Charles' rendition of "God Bless America" and of course Lee Greenwood's anthem, "God Bless the USA." Nancy and mom joined me down at The Ski Run Marina and we were there by 4-ish. I also broke the news to Mom that I was heading over to Iraq in September and she thought that was a good idea. I figured what with the 4th of July and all she would see the parallels going over to entertain the troops if only for a couple of weeks. It's always good to remember those who are currently serving in our military and also to remember those who have sacrificed their lives for any of us to even have a 4th of July holiday. It's not about shopping sales that's for sure. July 4th is always special up here and seeing the faces of those who attended it looks like we may have a record-setting event next year as well. Hope to see you back next year.

Heading over to Iraq

Just got the call this morning which means I'm going over to the Middle East with comedians Scott Kennedy and Graham Elwood to entertain our troops in September and October. Can't think of a better place for a Jew to spend Indian Summer than in the desert. I think Graham (who has been to Iraq and Afghanistan several times) said it's a balmy 127 degrees at that time of year so sunscreen is probably a good idea. All kidding aside (temporarily) I think (as Graham says) it'll be a great experience for me and the troops really enjoy the humor especially in that part of the world. Regardless of one's political position it's imperative to support our men and women in uniform always. Freedom should never be taken for granted. Gee, now I'm sounding like a candidate or something huh? Anyway, I asked several comic friends if I can use my Israeli/Jewish humor and they said, "Sure, Howie. Anything to flush out a sniper at your expense is always a good thing." Okay. Chatted with Rabbi Jonathan and told him and he said he would say a special prayer before I go. That's always nice getting a prayer from one's rabbi even though I'm not a regular at the temple. Might be a good idea to start going though wouldn't you think? By the way there was a tree planting ceremony in the Angora Fire area last week to help replant the area that was devastated by last year's terrible fire. It'll be one year June 24 that The Angora Fire swept through here. 60 trees were planted to commemorate the 60th anniversary of Israel as a nation. The Israeli consulate was there from San Francisco and it felt good (and safe too!) planting the trees to help revitalize the area. Hope you're having a great day wherever you are in the world and will try out some of the new material here maybe to garner some feedback before heading over to Iraq.

Renaissance Faire (Tahoe style)

The way gas prices have been going up maybe riding a horse isn't such a bad idea. Last weekend was Lake Tahoe's annual Renaissance Faire & Marketplace across from Camp Richardson. I really enjoy the whole Ren experience because you get to do the period piece thing dressing up from yet another era. Call it Halloween in last spring but the people are always a hoot and it's the one time of year where a guy can call a woman a 'wench' and not get in trouble over it. My favorite scene (outside of the jousting) was that of seeing three pirates standing in line at thouest ATM machine trying to get some pieces of eight. Some folks really get into character and when you talk to them they stay in character until they exit the place. In addition to the usual regalia and meeting the queen I was escorted by my own wench, Lady Nancy of the Lake. We met plenty of pirates from all over the New World and some exchanged pieces of eight for brandy that I just happened to have in case of getting out of tight spots.
On the way out I was arrested for turning my back on the Queen and was jailed briefly and then placed in a stockade where I was found guilty and had ice cold water poured over my head repeatedly. There was no online capability back then so if one had to email it was through the town cryer and there were a few of those too. All in all a good time was had by all and I may trade in my ancient vehicle for that of a horse and start thinking 'green' as summer approaches. I can recycle the horse's carbon dioxide and maybe create some gas on the side who knows? The producer of the Ren Faire asked if I might be interested in performing on stage with a lute dressed in my court jester outfit. The way the economy is going I may keep my options open.

Special Benefit Comedy Show for Max Alexander

Several months ago I started receiving emails from comics all over the country regarding veteran comic Max Alexander. Some might know him from the movies, "Man on the Moon" with Jim Carrey and Paul Giamatti, "Punchline" with Tom hanks and Sally Fields or "Roxanne" with Steve Martin. He's been a fixture on the comedy scene for decades and a great act to a lot of us. Max has been on dialysis for months now and in need of a kidney transplant which you might expect has cost him a great deal financially because of canceled shows and piling medical bills. I put the word out to other comics if they would be interested in being part of a comedy show to help Max out. Well, the response was heartwarming to say the least so come Saturday, May 17th over at Harrah's in South Lake Tahoe there will be a special show dedicated just for Max and everyone is invited to attend. Tickets are only $30 and the show will last two hours with six great acts scheduled to perform. Rocky LaPorte, Mark Pitta, James P. Connolly, Scott Henry, Kat Simmons and Yours Truly will entertain you with ALL of the ticket proceeds going directly to Max. Health insurance is ridiculous and those lucky enough to have coverage know that they don't cover everything. It's almost like we have to look out for one another especially in these current times. Harrah's was pretty cool when I approached them about letting us borrow their famed showroom because it holds close to 900 and more seating means more for Max. If you're up this way please drop by for some much needed a laughter and a great cause. It's called "Maxed Out Laughter!" and as one comic told me, "This is a good thing to do Howie because you never know when you might need a spare body part one day." A little blunt but well put.

The Red Planet

Last night was invited to take a peek through an amateur astronomer's telescope not too far from here in South Lake Tahoe as the solar system has always been a fascinating subject for me. There are many who believe that Tahoe has long been a favorite place for the exterrestials because we have so many vacation rentals or second homes. Also it's relatively easy to spot Lake Tahoe high above the earth's atmosphere and when you hear about the occasional sighting of a UFO in Oregon you realize that they mistook Crater Lake for Lake Tahoe. Happens. Was looking at Mars last night at about 4am before I headed off to do radio and was mildly shocked at what I saw. I know that the Rover has been up there for some time that Voyager has been sending back some incredible images from outer space but to actually see the surface of Mars was amazing. I think this is what they call 'the face' on the Red Planet. I'll have to go back again soon to see whose face is on the planetary surface of Uranus. Probably Bush I'm guessing.

Road Trip to 3 States in 5 Days!

It all started with a simple request from mom: "Drop by when you can so you can pick up some items from the house. I want you kids to pick out what you want now so you don't fight about it when I'm gone." What? Was mom feeling ill or something? Nope, she just wanted to get some spring cleaning done now so instructed the three of us to drop by whenever we could and start cherry picking those items that have some sentimental value to us. Mom suggested I take dad's golf clubs since he no longer needed them (I think you get your own clubs in heaven) and a few other timely items such as that old clock that stopped when an earthquake hit the bay area where they both lived before retiring down in Arizona. Nanc was able to get some time off so we headed out with Mo which would be his first road trip with us that lasted this long (see Mo's blog for his take on the trip). Spent the night in Malibu first and the dog loved it. By the time we made it to Arizona Mo was already adapting to being on the road.I even let him drive mom's golf cart for a little bit. Nanc had fun putting around in mom's golf cart and even took Mo for a walk in one. Sure made walking easier. Easier for us and not Mo that is.From there we headed to Meteor Crater because I hadn't been there since the last century and wanted to show Nanc where I was first abducted but later traded for some plutonium so I have fond memories of visiting the aliens there. It's also where the Apollo astronauts trained since the crater resembled the craters on the lunar surface so hence a good place to practice gathering moon rocks.There's just something about an enormous hole in the planet that begs the question, "Did somebody else ever cruise by here to check things out long before we as a species arrived on this rock?" Just curious. Hiking down to the bottom of the crater took forever but Nancy and I made it and wouldn't you know it my communicator went off asking if we wanted to beam back to the place I was initially abducted? I said, "No, not this time we're on a schedule of sorts but could we take a dust particle check instead?" I did ask to be beamed temporarily back at the rim of Meteor Crater but instead was beamed inside the Apollo test capsule they had back at the museum. So, while Nancy made her way back to the rim of the crater I was afforded the luxury of just being able to climb out of the test capsule and because of that had to buy lunch this time since Nancy was pretty tired at this point.By the time we headed back toward Flagstaff I made a last minute decision to head on over to Lowell Observatory where the planet (oops, make that now a dwarf planet) Pluto was discovered.Lowell Observatory is an amazing place and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to stop by because who knows when we'll ever be back this way again you know? Was given the rare opportunity to actually take a peek through one of their reflector telescopes and marveled at the clearness of the solar system and the planets I was able to see. Oh sure I still harbor some bitterness about Pluto being downsized but I'm sure things will be corrected once we all make it to the Mother Ship mark my words. One gets a feeling that only those with an elitist or dogmatic view of life could possibly think that we are the only ones in this vastness of outer space. One only need to look around us (especially at the workplace) to realize aliens live among us. Well, it's a good thing I bring this up now I suppose because in the last century while making my annual trek (as in Star) to Roswell, New Mexico I was asked to take part in a series of experiments (no, none that involved probing) that I pretty much kept to myself but this picture was leaked while carrying out one such experiment. I only mention it now because sooner or later word would have gotten out anyway. Please remember this was taken a while back and I no longer consider aliens the other green meat.After the stop off at Lowell Observatory it was on to a place I had always wanted to visit but for whatever reason never had the chance to go to......until now. As part of my birthday present Nancy surprised me with a helicopter ride over The Grand Canyon! That's right: The Grand Canyon. She said it was the only way to experience it for the first time (other than falling over the rim) and she was right. What an incredible and spectacular sight to behold! The Grand Canyon offering up visible proof that the earth is older than most would have you believe. These are but a slice of the many shots I took while flying over the canyon and could even see rafters on the Colorado just below me. Pictures can't truly capture the enormous beauty of this place but thought it was worth it posting a few here for you now.


Some of these images might look okay on this tiny spec of a blog here but it's nothing like seeing it in person. if you've never been now would be a good time to go before the summer onslaught and before gas starts getting into the $5 a gallon hemisphere. After climbing down Meteor Crater the day before I wanted to convince Nancy that I could easily climb this crater known as The Grand Canyon. It took most of the day but I was able to make it down before noon. The tough part for me was climbing back and I didn't realize how out of shape I was until climbing back up the canyon's South Rim side. Nancy had done it before so I had to if anything to show her that I could if given enough incentive. Here she took a pic of me just as I was making it up to the top when what I really needed was for her to put the damn camera down and assist me in this once-in-a-lifetime climb.To say I wasn't worn out would be a gross understatement but after a few drinks of the cold stuff and some crystal meth I was up on my feet again. I was living proof that one could still eat hamburgers and chili and still climb one of the toughest mountains ever (at least that's my opinion). The time spent at The Grand Canyon was one of the best ever and wish I could have stayed longer but had to start heading back to California and the dog had tried scaling the canyon walls earlier so we thought it might be a good time to start heading north but not before we stopped off at The Roadkill Cafe on historic Route 66! Oh man what a fun drive that was too. Sure it look longer than usual but then you would miss all of these obscure little towns that were once a thriving metropolis when Route 66 was the highway in its heyday. Of course Interstate 40 has pretty much made Route 66 a road from a bygone era but when was the last time you heard a TV theme song about I-40 hmmmmm? There was a plethora of odd places along that highway some of which made me think of the movie, "Deliverance" which doesn't need any explanation. All I kept thinking was how did people survive here and I mean in the present capacity and not back when. The folks we did meet along the way were very nice but I didn't see too many dentists along Route 66.What I did notice was the price of gas. Oh man by the time we hit the town of Lee Vining (just outside of Mono Lake on US 395) all of the prices were in the $4 range. Now I know to my European friends this is no big deal but out here in the US of A it IS a very big deal. Spoiled? Maybe but then again we are a Super Power even if it doesn't seem like it right now when pushed far enough we do manage to kick some booty so it'll be intersting to see how much higher gas gets before you either see us go 'green' or start really nuking somebody soon. Oh sure I imagine we can all go the Ed Begley, Jr. route and be hybrids but we're still a very long way from getting everybody on that train of thought. Until then try to visit this great country whenever possible and just bring one less family member with you so that way you can afford the drive. Oh, for the record Nanc, Mo and myself traveled 2,300 miles and paid $360 for gas. I'm sure in a few months time that will be considered a bargain. Until next time....

San Francisco

Don't get me wrong it's great being up here in the Sierra but every now and then it's also nice to be someplace that still serves dinner at midnight and on the sidewalk too! Caught Judy Gold's "25 Questions to Ask a Jewish Mother" which was wonderful both funny and moving all at once. I try to get back there whenever I can with Nanc and will be making a number of trips to the bay area to visit some of the comedy clubs I started out in. Man that seems like a century ago (it was huh?). it's also fun playing 'tourist' too even though I used to call the bay my home. There's just something special and fun about staying in a fancy hotel every once in a while. Mountain folk staying in a place with running water wow. C'mon it's not that primitive but sounds romantic doesn't it?

Happy Religious Holiday

it's Good Friday today. Lots of folks take this day off as it leads up to one of the holiest of days that takes place this Sunday in which Jesus, after being crucified on Good Friday was laid to rest and three days later Christians celebrate his rising from the dead on Easter Sunday. How do they celebrate the holiday? Lots of sales and looking for Easter eggs. That's what Jesus would do. Easter also means that Passover is fast approaching and Purim is already here. Purim is not as well known as Passover but still one that is worth celebrating. Passover involves more food (a staple with the Tribe) and is actually fun but kind of long. Although not as serious as the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur it still ranks up in the top 5. Don't expect too many Passover sales though. Just wouldn't sound right you know? A Passover sale sounds like you're just browsing and not really going to make a sale. Do atheists celebrate anything? Maybe someone should start a holiday just for them. Was asked to tour Iraq for a USO tour along with two other comics this summer. I'll do it only because I believe they want to use me as a decoy against Al-Queda. I guess I should omit the Jew reference from my passport? Whatever it takes. Happy Easter.

Filled up this past Weekend

At some point I imagine either people will alter their driving habits or find some other mode of travel that doesn't involve petroleum as a source for fuel. Was in the bay area this Friday night to check out Judy Gold's one-woman show, "25 Questions For a Jewish Mother" and to attend a screening of Owen Wilson's latest flick. Being back in San Francisco was a kick. For one thing you realize that their are restaurants that stay open past midnight. What a shocker! There's just something about being in a major city late at night and wandering the streets as it's lightly raining with no set plans. Nancy had never been to North Beach before so we strolled by some of San Fran's more notorious nightclubs such as The Hungry I and The Condor Club before cruising over to the Italian part of the City and ate outside at Calzone's.I think Herb Caen ate there too. it's nice to be around others who thrive on the late night as opposed to some places that roll up the sidewalks by 9pm. That's the tradeoff sometimes. Looking fwd to checking out some more activities in the big metropolis but until then will try and get Mo to quit writing on his blog and get him to go outside so he can socialize and show off his new chew toy we surprised him with from San Francisco's North Beach area.

During a recent walk

Had a break of sunshine the other day so thought I would head out and take a stroll down to the lake. Was wild and windy and the lake looked like the North Atlantic so I snapped a few pics and thought I would post them here to share. Been a busy week and was nice to catch a break if just for a little while. It has been snowing once again. And yes, I will post a few more pictures of the lake when I remember to take some. Doesn't matter how long you live here the Lake always seems to look different and of course the changing of the seasons is a constant reminder to enjoy the one you're in at the present so one can compare this time next year why this season was so special. Did another fundraiser event this weekend and it was a great turnout. I love the Oscars and enjoyed being with everyone together enjoying the show on the movie-sized screen.

DVD Release party and a special 'thanks'

This past Monday night what started out as a planned DVD release party turned out to be a celebration and a 'thank you' to the South Lake Tahoe community for showing their support when I was placed on administrative leave from the radio station when one person complained about the content on my Sunday Funnies show. She felt one of the comics on my show had said something inapropriate and called to complaIn. Turns out she's a little on the conservative side which also means a little uptight and of course had to listen intently to my little show for the entire four hours so that she could find something to complain about. Don't they have radio shows designed for the right wingers out there instead of listening to my point-of-view program? Apparently not. I suggest "The Hour of Power" so that your God can grant me forgiveness for not being Christian. The good news though is that I have been offered a half hour television show which of course will be in the late night hours because we all know that conservative, right wingers need their full eight hours of sleep so there is no chance she will be watching my show. Expect programming with a sarcastic tinge to it and of course comedians from all walks of life will be represented. Anyway, a very special thanks to all who attended the party on the lake and a very special thanks to Nancy who planned pretty much most of it. I am finding out that it is far better to have a special someone in your life than a series of hit-and-run relationships be it in the real world or online.

Time to Build an Ark

Well at least while the sun is out momentarily. Over the weekend we received another four feet of the white stuff and that coupled with high winds was enough to make you want to remain indoors for a while which many did. The hardest part has been snow blowing over the wall of snow that was plowed just a couple of days earlier. Now the snow blower can't seem to shoot the mountain of snow I created just a week ago over that wall of snow. All it does is hit the wall and fall back unto the driveway. Bitch, bitch bitch I know. Not complaining just hoping for a few days of sunshine so that some of this stuff will evaporate and melt a little to eventually make room for more of the white stuff. Saturday night/Sunday morning the car was able to make it down the highway to the street I live on (that hadn't been plowed yet) only to slam into a wall of snow on the driveway. Two hours later the car was finally able to make it into the garage. Welcome to Tahoe.

New DVD just out

Oh sure, it has taken some time and probably could have released this earlier but when you get wrapped up in other things you forget sometimes that you have had something on the back burner for a while. It's pretty good too I must admit taken from various shows utilizing both the acoustic and just plain stand up. We're already planning a special release party where proceeds will benefit The Angora Fire Fund here in South Lake Tahoe. I can't imagine what it must have been like to lose your home and possessions from such a devastating fire. Anything to assist with the relief effort has always been like a passion of mine. I also think it's good for all artists to give back to the community that has allowed them to practice their art whatever it might be. Was treated to a funny sight while driving up the hill: a billboard with my mug on it! Not a great picture but still kinda cool actually appearing on a billboard. I have received more comments....

Grace White Benefit Show Comics Unite!

We are coming together to support Grace White. If you can't go, but want to send in a donation, email me at howienave@aol.com and I'll tell you where to send in your donation. Grace has been doing stand up for a number of years and produces/books shows as well offering comics not just work but also a support system. I can't tell you how many times comics have crashed at her place in-between gigs or just needed a friendly ear who would listen. It's our turn now to help her. Let's do all we can for Grace.

Global what?

Be careful what you wish for. Apparently all of those 'Pray for Snow' parties paid off in a big way this past weekend dumping upwards to 11 ft of snow here. Of course that's at the upper elevations but here at my place we received 6 ft of the white stuff. It's kinda eerie to open your curtains downstairs and see nothing but half a window of visibility with snow pressing against it. It's snowing today as a matter of fact so a good day to be home if possible.


I used to have a front porch but now it's a mogul of powder! The power has managed to remain on (good thing I paid my bill) despite the winter wonderland and for the most part the roads have been plowed. Out where I live in the county though well, that's another story altogether. Since there are no schools or government buildings nearby we tend to be on the bottom of the priority list when it comes to getting the street plowed. No complaints though that's why we live here. I like that the entire fenced in area is nothing but snow. I guess one just lets it melt over time since there's no way to get back there anyway!

Snowed in!

For the first time in over five years I was snowed in. Forget the fact that the left tread came off the snow blower (it was that thick) five minutes into the plowing. Even if I had plowed the driveway the street hadn't been plowed because they were working overtime. Since I'm out in the county and another thousand feet above lake level (which is at 6000 ft) my place isn't a high priority.

So, I called the other acts and said, "Looks like a two-man show tonight boys." Hey, at least the power never went off so that that was a blessing. The wood stove was working overtime last night as we cuddled up in front of it watching the snow come up to the level of the window. This morning the plows came and I gave the driver a bottle of wine who plowed a little into my driveway so that when I did finish the driveway made it more accessible to the street. How high was the snow this morning? Well, Mo was able to jump over the six foot fence in the backyard because there was that much snow on his side to leap over the fence! Will leave early tonight that's for sure with Nanc and head over to the comedy club. It's snowing in fact right now. This is what we so needed and I love the winter so with it comes the white stuff. Now I just need to find out where the mailbox is because it's totally covered in snow as of last night!

....and a Happy New Year

Thanks to everyone who sent Christmas greetings to Nancy and me these past few days. If I didn't answer some of you I apologize but I have received emails from people I haven't heard from in ages so thanks for your thoughts. It's great having mom visit but as the sign on her door here reads: 'Two Weeks Maximum' so she might spend a day or two over at the casino just to prolong her stay. Seriously though it's always good to spend the holidays whenever possible with some family so I feel fortunate to have the mom unit here. The comics love having mom up here too because they tease that she is Republican and always try to get her to argue with them. She's a little too honest at times though when watching the comics on stage. Two years ago when Victoria Jackson was performing here she came backstage and said, "Gee Howie you're mom is tough. She explained to me which jokes didn't work last night. She should be an agent." Oy. Merry Christmas again.

Merry Everything!

Whatever your belief system is I really hope you have a good one and get to spend it with some family or friends. I know some of you are on the road and that can be lonely. I spent ten Thanksgivings and Christmas holidays on the road some memorable others miserable so make the most of it and don't do the suicide thing okay? Get in touch with some of your friends online or better yet on the phone. Spending too much time here (online) is not always healthy. Speaking of friends, if we get to partying over at the house and we insist that you stay over please remember: We Don't Really Mean It! I mean, if you're toasted a cab will be called but the things one says while intoxicated can so be taken out of context at times.

Benefit Comedy Show for 'Amazing Grace' White January 24

I was recently informed by journalist Rich Freeman that comedienne Grace White had cancer and would I be interested in helping out in any way? YES! Say no more. Word got out quickly within the comedy community so on January 24 there will be a benefit show with all of the proceeds going to help Grace with her medical expenses. In fact a series of shows have already been lined up on her behalf. I don't know how it works in other fields but when one of our own falls ill we tend to rally around to help in any way possible. Since there isn't a Comedians Health Care Plan out there (or much a plan that is useful in this country) it's like a throwback to a time when neighbors assisted neighbors. This is one of those times so along with myself, San Francisco Bay Area comics Johnny Steele, Bob Sarlatte and Chicago comic Rocky LaPorte we'll be donating our time to get people to come out to Fairfield at Pepper Belly's Comedy & Variety Theatre Thursday, January 24 to help out a classy lady beat this thing. General admission for the 7:30 p.m. show are $20 and on sale at Pepper Belly’s, 1250 W. Texas St., Fairfield, or online at pepperbellys.com. For more information, call (707) 422-SHOW.

Snow has arrived (finally) to the mountains

For the longest time we've been holding our breath wondering if we were ever going to get any of the white stuff. Well, the last few days have been surprisingly well since Lake Tahoe was blessed with snow. For the longest time the ski resorts up here have been making the man made stuff resembling a giant Sno-cone machine trying their best to have some of the white stuff for a downhill experience. Now with Chanukah in full bloom and the lighting of the Christmas tree (I refuse to call it a 'Holiday' tree because of those offended by Christmas. Just enjoy your day off and celebrate nothing okay?) here at the Lake it really is feeling like a winter wonderland after all.

sliding into the holiday season

Have you been inundated by the barrage of ads on TV and radio asking you to buy buy and buy? It is rather daunting isn't it that just as you finish one holiday already the onslaught hits the airwaves telling you what you should purchase? And I'm not referring to after the Thanksgiving holiday either. Try Labor Day! It seems to come earlier and earlier doesn't it? This is the time of year when one doesn't merely start thinking about what to get for the family and friends but closer to home if you still have one that is. What with all the doom and gloom being broadcast on the nightly news it's no wonder some are feeling a little skittish when it comes to the end of the year. Let's see.....I can make this month's payment but will have to sort of wait to see how cold it gets to decide what to spend depending on the heating situation. Of course those in the Southwest don't have to factor in their heating allotment but I imagine they had to factor in their air conditioning bill when it came to budgeting. Same thing for us up here (Tahoe) just seems to collide with the Christmas holiday in our case that's all. At any rate now would be a good time to just call and thank friends and family for being there the whole year. In my case calling the family for being so far away. Sometimes there is a correlation between the love of family and the miles they are from your place. Hope you are having a good holiday spirit within you and also an optimistic outlet. Negative people well there are way too many of those so I'll be wishing the positive ones good health and all. The others can just die really and I mean that in a positive way. Peace on Earth!

Thanksgiving with comedy

Unlike folks (we call them 'civilians' in the business) who have holidays off you can rest assured there will be someone to entertain you when visiting a town known for its resort destination such as Lake Tahoe. Thanksgiving is no exception. I always crack up when someone asks, "So, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Christmas? New Year's?" Same as I have been for the past ten years: WORKING! Ask any (okay-most) entertainer and they'll tell you that they're more than happy to be working on most of the major holidays especially New Year's which tends to pay more. Corporate work always pays the best so you'll see many comics hoping to get booked during the entire month of December. One night doing a corporate gig can sometimes equal two weeks of doing a comedy club gig. Just like those in the retail business working the corporate gig in December can be the best month of the year for an entertainer. I'm looking forward to working this Thanksgiving week though because I'll be working with a Mexican (Willie Barcena) and an Indian (Larry Omaha). Nancy will dress up as the Pilgrim and being the Jew will manage the dinner (and probably the comics too). Happy Turkey Day everybody and if you're a vegetarian well, just hide out for a few days with your celery sticks.

The Democrats' Gamble in Vegas

What summed it all up was CNN's Wolf Blitzer when he asked the candidates for a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer to his question on giving drivers license to illegal immigrants. With the possible exception of Senators Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton none of them would give a simple answer to a direct question. The debate was lively though at times but I am still disillusioned with our two Party system but feel particularly betrayed by the Democrats because the ONLY reason I voted last November for a majority of Dems in the house was to end our involvement overseas with Iraq and Afghanistan. Now I'm supposed to believe that whatever this bunch says will be carried out? The only candidate worth watching (and the most entertaining) was Rep. Dennis Kucinich (the one with the hot wife) because he doesn't have a chance in hell to win his party’s nomination for the presidency therefore he has nothing to lose here REALLY speaking his mind. C'mon you have to admit there's something refreshing about that you know? I am so looking forward to the Republican debate more than anything. I want to see how quickly God, abortion and the evolution of man come up before I tune them out. Forget about the war, health insurance or the impending Recession it's far more relevant to see who's sporting a tail than to cover the issues that really matter.

Another Day in Paradise

It's rather easy to take for granted where you live until visiting another part of the country for business and then it starts to sink in: How do people live in places that they're not happy in? Probably has to do with job opportunities or schools that their kids would be upset if they had to relocate while still in a certain class before graduating. Southern California was a fun place to visit bringing back memories of long drives from the bay area just to do ten minutes on stage and then it was back up north to work at whatever it was I was working at. Oh yeah, BAM Magazine I think. Lake Tahoe might not be the best place for steady employment and all but the beauty and its surrounding forests/mountains more than offsets the deficit. Of course I remind myself that when it's the first of the month but being in an environment that is soothing to the soul coupled with a decent living is a far better place to be than say the rat race of a metropolitan city where the pay is much better. A good quality of life is much better than a ton of money but feeling miserable where you live in order to bring home that kind of income. I'll let you know how I feel in a couple of weeks when the bills are due. Maybe I'll go for a walk down to the Lake to again remind myself what it was I was saying.

Jews Are Us

I am still surprised and also amazed there are still those who can be so anti-Semitic. In this day and age? Why? I recently got in a tiff with a woman who commented that she had just purchased a new car from a dealership down in the San Francisco Bay Area. Now I consider most folks from the bay area a fairly intelligent lot and progressive, green and all that friendly environmental stuff that goes with living in California. But when she commented that she had 'Jewed' the salesman down to lower price I shot back, "Oh really? Gee, I went to that same dealership and was able to Christ him back to retail. Boy, did I nail him on the sticker price." Suffice it to say she was very offended by my comment. Good! Case closed. Maybe she got a taste of how it feels being on the receiving end.

Good time to be a survivalist

After watching the news what with the rising price of gas, foreclosures galore, a continued uneasiness about the war but more specifically our leaders on the Hill I think it's a good time to assume there will be no benefits upon retiring. Forget Social Security that will probably be all dried up before you even know it. What really ticks me off are the people we elect to positions of power who I thought were looking out for the best interest of America. Only after they retire or resign and write a book do we really get the answer on how they felt while in office. "Oh, I couldn't sound any alarms at the time because it would have met my career" and stuff like that. I am convinced that everybody (okay....most) are only in office to serve their best interest and could really care less about those who elected them to their posts. Same goes for those appointed to positions of higher. Cynical? Oh yeah.....and a little bitter too. Now would be a good time to stock up on provisions and save all that you can. Assume there will be no one looking out after you and take the initiative and look out for yourself.

Relationships in the Modern Age

In our constant struggle to make ends meet and create a niche in this life it sure helps when you have someone in your life to offset the negativity out there. Have you ever poured your everything into one individual and then that person just couldn't handle the ride? If no man is an island than finding a meteorite in the cosmos is probably the next best thing. Sorry. just feel the need to express a little sadness that comes when a loved one decides, "Hey....enough is enough for me."

A great time for comedians....

You sometimes can't imagine how events of the world make one's job that much easier when it comes to filtering the news through comedy be it stage or radio after writing a comedic bit. What one sees as miserable someone else sees as an opportunity to comment on current events. Take the recent events over in China for example. What with all the recalls taking place because of potential lead poisoning it's easier to write jokes about China now without having to be so politically correct in the process. Maybe our country shouldn't outsource everything and pay a little higher price manufacturing toys right here at home. Oh sure I imagine one could save a few bucks even if a few kids get lead in their system but I bet there will be a push to have more items remain here at home instead of being shipped from overseas. What with the holidays fast approaching you'll see folks willing to shell out a few extra bucks for something safe here on American shores than risk having their kid weighed down with all that lead. What about outsourcing from the Land Down Under? They've always been good to us right? Something to think about.

....in the beginning

People are pissed aren't they? Any little thing that sets them off easily becomes magnified. Why do we obsess over trying to hate everybody when it’s so much easier to concentrate on your own life and how to make things less dramatic? Okay, so that’ll never take off. At least there is so much out there to be thankful for but, tough to appreciate it sometimes.

A good comic friend of mind told me about a benefit performance she was a part where the people planning the event turned out to be negative so what does she do? As she puts it, “Kill them with kindness.” Easier said then done I know but its best and after awhile maybe they’ll realize they shouldn’t have been such asses after all. Another comic friend of mine says his answer to eliminating stress from his life: deleting those not relevant to his life anymore. One afternoon when he was performing up here I took him and some friends on the boat and there he was with a big grin on his gace sitting at the back of the boat with his cell in hand. When I asked what he was doing he said, “I’m deleting those from my cell who just aren’t relevant to me anymore.” Must have taken him almost an hour but one could visibly see the smile on his face as he omitted those who were just adding stress to his life. As simple as it seemed he made me realize it's easier to delete those from your life who cause unwanted drama and to live a calmer life.

Join me now won't you?